kidlet updates and some morbid wonderings

I've apparently been in a blogging funk or something. I keep thinking about doing it and then not following through. So this is me just walking over to the computer and pounding something out.

Zay had her birthday this month. She's a three year old now and it's pretty incredible how fast these kids grow. Her especially.. since she's been about 2.5 yrs old people have mistaken her for a 4 year old. She's a tall one. Her speech is really ratcheted up a notch of late as well and she loves practicing her words by looking at flash cards and naming things. We were watching the Simpsons the other night and there was this part where Flanders and Homer were riding these horses that were running and jumping like ninjas (ninja horses!) and Zay said approvingly, "Nice one nee-hee." (Her name for animals is the sound they make) It was hilarious.

Memer is growing by leaps and bounds as well. She's very adept at cruising along the edge of the coffee table and is VERY INTERESTED in eating. She gets mad if we don't share what we have. It's still primarily her chewing and spitting things out.. not a lot of swallowing going on but she's working up to that. She's also becoming more diversified in her expressions. She's got this mischievious scrunchy grin that is crazy cute.

Quinn is quite a smarty pants and regularly astounds me with things he knows but that I have no idea where he learned them. He picks stuff up like a sponge. He's also testing the limits of his independence by refusing to do what I ask of him regularly. It's frustrating but I try to remain calm and explain things and dialogue with him instead of just being mad and threatening him with loss of privileges every time he does it. I will admit I'm not always successful with that though.

I've recently been kinda freaked out by some weird health issues I've been having. For awhile I was having some serious joint aches, especially in my elbows and shoulders that I didn't understand. I started taking a daily magnesium suppliment and also flax oil and that seems to have helped. Additionally, over the last couple months I've had about 4 or 5 headaches that are unlike anything I've experienced before. Throbbing on one side of my head, blurry spots in my vision and nausea. I think they are migraines and it really stinks. The last time I felt on coming on I thwarted it by downing a dose of magnesium and a multivitamin with a big glass of water. Now for the last couple days I've been feeling dizzy upon waking in the morning. It's when I open my eyes and stretch first thing, it makes my head spin strongly. Very weird.

As a disclaimer I must say I'm rather paranoid about morbid things.. it's just this weird thing about me.. I ponder dark possibilities frequently and today it was the possibility that I could have a brain tumor. It's nothing new.. I've been freaked out by the possibility before but this time these weird head things going on with me are adding fuel to my morbid wonderings.

The thing is.. I don't fear dying for myself. The fear that paralyzes me is that my children would be left without a mother. That thought is horrifying. My babies need me.

I've always imagined and felt that I will die as an old woman though so I find comfort in that strong intuitive sense of what lies in my future.

So.. sorry to get all dark there for a moment but it's what was on my mind today.

Gotta go lay baby down.
More later.. maybe tomorrow.

erm

yeah.. so I totally repeated myself there about the house buying. Goes to show how often I reread what I've written previously. I wrote that like it was breaking news even though I'd already blogged it. oh well. I'm forgetful like that.

Another August

August is a month that significant things always seem to take place in my life. It was August 10th of my 17th year when I first witnessed a human being take the breath that marked the beginning of his life. It was in August of my 19th year that I was pronounced clinically insane and committed to the psych ward of the hospital for two weeks after an LSD trip gone very wrong. Then on the 7th anniversary of witnessing that first breath of life, I watched as my son's father took the final breath that marked the end of his life. August is a month that will forever feel heavy and thick with significance for the rest of my life.

August of this year has been marked with a happy development. We became homeowners. My mother extended us a generous offer and we were able to buy the house we've been renting for the last 3 years. Another life changing development in the month of August.

mmmmmm worms...

I was giddy when I saw red worms at the farmers market today. Ive been wanting to get a worm bin going for quite some time but never seemed to get around to ordering the red wigglers through the mail. It was so convenient to just pick some up at the market. I just finished getting their new home set up and after letting the kids hold them a bit Ive gotten them all settled in and fed. Im thrilled to be able to continue actively composting even when the pile outdoors is frozen solid in the middle of winter. Yay for worm castings!

the one where they got closer to buying the farm

Today we officially became homeowners! It's far from being our dream home but we're not complaining. The papers are signed the checks are issued and we now own our house. Well our name is on the title anyway and if we follow the schedule this house will be paid of in 2023.

We don't plan on living here that long though. This house is a means to an end as far as we are concerned. The goal is to sell this house within five years and use the profit (which should be substantial considering the sweet deal my mom cut us on the place) to buy some land where we can be away from the city and live a more sustainable lifestyle. Grassfarmers perhaps? I read (and hubby is in the middle of it) Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma and we are both inspired by the story of a farm called Polyface. I've had the itch to try farming for a while now but this is the first time that Brett has expressed interest in it and I'm thrilled.

She crawls!

As of yesterday Meara is mobile.

my wee bonny lass becomes less wee

Yesterday Meara figured out how to push herself backwards from her tummy up into a sit. I wondered if it was a fluke and so I put her back on her tummy and she did it three more times within 15 minutes. I said "Yay!" and gave her a round of applause and she just grinned with the proudest little smile I've ever seen from her.

It's a truly bittersweet thing to see. On the one hand I'm thrilled to see her accomplish new milestones and grow into herself but on the other hand I mourn the loss of my tiny little baby that is no longer. She's already nearing the "big baby" stage of crawling all over the place and I will miss the itty bitty baby that she was.