this is it

I tried calling my mom this morning but only spoke with my aunt Nik. My mother apparently can't be bothered to take any calls this morning. Cause she's getting married this afternoon. Well this is it for me. If she marries this chump.. then I am putting some serious distance between her and I. I refuse to be dragged along for the ride towards the impending train wreck that is certain to result from this course. I can't allow myself to be close to her and not be affected by her really bad decisions and since nothing I have to say seems to make any difference I need to separate from her to protect myself and my family. It really sucks that my kids beg to go see gramma but I can't let them go over there when there is a strange man that I don't know or trust. I think my mom may be having a mental breakdown.. or she's always been this crazy and I just didn't realize it. I fear it may be the latter.

flipflopper

ugh. I just called my mom to ask her how it's going and she said that it was still on for tomorrow. She apparently has no backbone. I told her that nothing has changed. He's still insecure and controlling and yet she's letting him call the shots. If she gets married tomorrow then I'll know it's because he wants to and she doesn't and yet she doesn't have the nerve to stand up for what she wants. My respect for her is very minimal at this point and it's only going to go completely down the drain if she goes through with this supremely dumb decision to marry this kid.

whoa

Just when I had pretty much come to terms with the realization that my mother had lost all sense of rational thinking she surprises me yet again. She showed up at my house this morning with the news that instead of getting married tomorrow she's going to break up with John today and ask him to move out.

Wow. I was really stunned. Happily stunned but still very surprised that she actually came around to realizing that getting married to this guy probably wasn't a good idea. She had just come from a meeting with her therapist (whom I know also thought this was a bad idea..like everyone else in the known universe) and I suspect that her realization must have been helped along by whatever they talked about. She confessed that John is controlling and insecure and that she just knows it wouldn't have worked out. She doesn't want another divorce in her future. (Note: These are all things that I told her.. especially the stuff about this guy being obviously insecure and controlling by pushing this marriage issue so early in their relationship.)

Being as I don't really have much trust left in my mother after all the less than stellar decisions she's made in the last 4 years or so, I'm only allowing myself a modicum of happiness about this decision. I don't want to get all ecstatic that she's come to her senses only to find out that she's been talked out of this by John and ends up marrying the dude anyway. She did seem pretty resolved to this decision though so I doubt that will happen. When he's moved out I'll breathe a bigger sigh of relief. I've only exhaled halfway at this point.

its hopeless

My mother will not listen to reason. When faced with logical and valid concerns about her decision to marry her boyfriend of two months next week she (and his) only response is that they are doing it because they want to and because they can.

valentines day and family drama

oh the Mama drama never seems to end. I've been struggling to avoid being too emotionally invested in the choices my mother makes for her own life. It is, after all, HER life. It's just difficult to watch something chug along that appears certain to end in train wreck. She's got this new boyfriend... well fiance technically, who is - get this- 30 years old.

I will be 30 years old this year.
My husband is 31 years old.
My mother is engaged to a man younger than my husband. I find this very disturbing. Even if he weren't so young, I would still be disturbed that she's already engaged to a man that she's only been dating for about a month. She'd probably already be married if she didn't have to host a memorial this coming August for her deceased husband. She didn't think it would be proper to be remarried before that is taken care of. *snort*

I could go on and on about some other choices related to this newest development but I think I'll leave it at that for now. I'm trying to come to terms with seeing my mother in the harsh light of reality without the rose colored glasses of childhood. It has been quite unpleasant to say the least. It seems I must accept that she just isn't going to be the typical gramma for my children.. baking cookies and stuff like that. She's like a kid who refuses to grow up. *sigh*


on a happier note- Valentines Day was really nice. B baked a delicious German chocolate cake and bought some yummy chocolates for us.He bought me an obscenely expensive box of Godiva truffles that were positively divine. I've never had a more delicious hazelnut truffle. It was to die for.