finished

I finished my scarf on Thursday. I absolutely love it, flaws and all. It has such a different feel than knitting and it was soooo much faster. Probably a total of 6 or 7 hours, spaced over the course of a week. I worked in short bursts, given the constant interruption of children. Of course now today I've experienced a constant pain in my right shoulder and I'm wondering if it was because of the movement required during weaving. Certainly I need to give it break so I haven't started on a second yet. Not to mention I need to focus on some other higher priority projects.

It's been a year now that I've had my spinning wheel and it's still not finished. I'm so very disappointed in myself for not finishing it by that self imposed deadline. I took it apart yesterday and have been working on it. I really like the way it's turning out and the resistance that I'd been feeling towards working on it these last couple months melted away once I dismantled it and just put the wood burning pen in my hand. It would seem the best cure for procrastination is just putting myself in motion. I'd been hoping (somewhat irrationally) that I could get the wheel done in time to spin up the fiber that's in the mail on its way to me as we speak. It's a spin-along for the months of Jan/Feb. It's my first spin along and I'm looking forward to it but I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have to reassemble the wheel before it's finished if I want to get the yarn spun up in the allotted time. Oh well. Truth be told I haven't spun any yarn on my wheel in quite some time and I'm itching to get to it.

Well I'll wrap this up because it's waaay past my bedtime yet again.

slowly generating enthusiasm

I've been reading my story today and doing minor editing as I come across bits of grammatical or spelling errors that need touching up but I still haven't started writing anything of substance. I can see the gaps staring me in the face, needing to be filled in but I'm just not feeling the enthusiasm yet. I think I need to do more research on ancient Irish culture (what little is known of it) and hopefully that will recharge my engines with regard to this story. Taking a month away from it has definitely taken some of the wind out of my sails. I'm determined to get back to it though.... as soon as I finish this woven scarf.

I'm soo close to being done. Literally less than 12 inches from the end and that can be done in less than an hour then I just need to figure out how to get it off the loom and tie the fringe. I'm so excited that I'm going to go work on it right now, even though I should be in bed.

Yeah.. I'm still working on that whole 'writing in the morning instead of at the last minute before bed' thing. *sigh*

New Years Resolution FAIL

I wish I could say that the reason I failed to blog yesterday was because I filled my writing quota by working on the novel but alas I cannot. I'm sad to admit that after only three days I totally spaced out the resolution and didn't write a thing. The funny thing is I was doing my usual morning internet cruising of Ravelry and Facebook and thought to myself, "this is really the time I should be writing instead of the end of the day when I'm tired and should be in bed." So then I find myself tucked in after watching some Six Feet Under (great show btw) and it's 12:30am when I realize that I had a writing FAIL for the day.

However! I shall not let this get me down. There are still 361 more days for me to get it right and it would be foolish to give up after a minor stumble. Onward and Upward!

What I see now is that I really should be writing in the morning. My evenings are too packed with stuff to try and cram writing in on top of it all. It's my tendancy to put things off till the last minute but in this situation it's really counterintuitive. I have more time in the morning when Quinn is at school and the girls like to watch their morning PBS shows while I sip my chai. So that is another habit I will work on integrating. Plus I need to go to bed earlier. 6 or 7 hours of sleep just isn't enough for me and so getting to bed at 10 is really important. It is 10:21 right now so I'd better wrap this most boring and mundane blog entry up.

I think I'm going to change the settings so my blog update doesn't post to facebook everytime I publish. I'm worried that I'm spamming people's newfeeds with the daily notes and I feel kinda self conscious about it. So.... yeah.. the link to my blog is on my page if anyone is interested in reading these ramblings.

G'night.

the witch under the stairs

When Azalea woke up this morning she began describing in great detail her dream with fervor. She asked me in a rapid and urgent tone, "What lives under our stairs, mom? Is there a bad witch under the stairs??" I told here that nothing could live under our stairs because there was nothing but dirt under there. (After The Flood many a year ago our basement was filled with silt and there are still closed off portions that have yet to be dug clear.) She proceeded to tell me that in her dream a bad witch had taken her friend Beth and that she lived under the stairs. She went on and on with details that were hard to decipher because she was talking so fast and sometimes her speech is still hard to understand, especially in the morning when my brain is still foggy. She wanted to go across the street to make sure that Beth was okay and I had to reassure her that dreams were not real, that Beth was probably still sound asleep and that we should go back to sleep too because it was 6am and it was much too early to be awake on a Sunday. Thankfully she took my advice and we snuggled until sleep returned for us both. When we woke up to face the day at 9 she continued to talk about the same dream as if there had been no break in the conversation from three hours earlier. It was the strangest thing. She's talked about her dreams for awhile now but this was so much more detailed and serious than she had ever been before. It's so interesting to watch her try and decipher reality from fantasy. I marvel at how powerful the imagination is for her. She has a dream of a bad witch under the stairs and it's as real to her as I am. She goes outside to call out to the Care Bears that she is so certain live in the clouds and gets really upset when they don't answer her. She begs to go visit Edward Scissorhands or Dorothy and Toto because she is so convinced that they are really out there somewhere. Four year olds are amazing.

just keep typing...just keep typing..

Here it is only the second day and I'm already feeling at a loss for anything interesting to write on my blog. My life seems pretty consistently mundane from day to day so I'm always hesitant to write about it on here because my inner critic just chides me for thinking that anyone would have an interest in reading about it. I must work harder to squash that annoying little voice down and write onward if I'm going to stick with this resolution.

My mom came over today and offered to watch the kids while I took her car somewhere. Since I didn't want to spend money I opted to go to the library for some quiet time. I ended up getting on the internet and reading part of my novel for an hour. It's been almost a month since I've looked at it and seeing it with fresh eyes has renewed my momentum to see it finished. I read the end and was pleased to see that even though I rushed through that part to finish by the deadline it is still a pretty decent bit of writing. A bit heavy in the sappy romance department but hey, some people like that sort of thing, myself included and I refuse to be too hard on myself for writing something fluffy. It may be cheesy but it's fun and people like fun, especially me and the most important thing I'm learning is that I need to write something that *I* enjoy, otherwise the process is tedious and well... not fun.

One hang up that I'm facing right now is juggling all these projects that I want to work on. The novel thing is on something of a deadline since the free proof copy that I won from NaNoWriMo expires in May. I'd like my novel to be finished and edited by then so I can have the pleasure of getting a copy that can sit on my bookshelf amongst the rest in all it's glory. Another thing that is nagging at me is my spinning wheel. It's officially been a year now that I've owned her and she is still unfinished. It's just the last little bit of detail work that is left before I can oil the wood properly to protect it from changes in humidity and dirt. I can already see that the wood has changed color from being handled by me and the occasional grubby child's hand. I had vowed to finish it before a year had passed and I'm disappointed that I didn't stick with that. Then there's this weaving bug that's bitten me. Oh, I can be so scattered and I really wish I was better at finishing things in a timely manner. Procrastination has long been my nemesis.

School starts up for Quinn on Tuesday. I'm simultaneously happy and mournful for it to begin. I've enjoyed being able to stay home and not have to rush around in the morning. I need to make a better effort to get to bed earlier and wake up earlier so we can take our time before leaving for school and it's going to be even harder since we've slid back into a late schedule during the break. On the other hand I will be happy for Quinn to have something to occupy his brain during the day besides video games and harrassing his sisters- his two favorite pastimes. Santa brought us a Wii for Christmas and I've been lax on the time restrictions I usually impose on the video games during the break. I think it will do Quinn a lot of good to unplug for the school week when I only allow him one 30 minute session that he has to earn by doing a chore. The weekends are basically the only time he is allowed to play for long stretches and there is a noticable difference in his attitude when he has been playing too much.

Well... my hands hurt now because I've been weaving a bunch today so I'm going to wrap this up. Maybe I'll do a recap of the holidays tomorrow. I like to read back though the blog about what we were up to years ago so I don't want to forget to document the important stuff that I'll want to remember later.

G'night!

Hello blog. Long time no see. It's a new year and I'm making a resolution to write on a daily basis. I'm not committing to it being a blog entry a day because I've still got a novel to finish and I'm sure there will be days when contributing to that is as much as I can manage. However I do want to make a point of documenting my life on a more regular basis and I'm sure there will be days when I have absolutely no desire to write a single thing on my novel and the blog can act as a substitute for my daily writing quota.

Today I spent most of the day researching looms as I try and make a decision about whether or not I should buy the 16" Kromski Harp or go for the 24" or totally jump ship and get the Ashford rigid heddle. It's a tough decision but I think I'm nearing a finality on the matter. I've been weaving a scarf on the 16" harp that I've rented from the LYS and I'm very pleased with how the loom feels. I'll probably end up purchasing it. My only regret is that to make a nice wide shawl or blanket I'll have to sew panels together. It's not ideal but I think it's a fair trade off considering that 90% of the time I'll be weaving scarves that fit just fine on the smaller loom. The 16" is comfortable in my lap and I don't need a stand for it. I'm not sure I'd be able to say the same about the 24". The main reason I considered going with the Ashford instead was because someone pointed out that the quality of the wood might be superior (New Zealand Silver Beech) to that of the Kromski (European Alder). The concern being that screws more easily strip the softer wood I guess. I haven't come across any posts of people with this problem though so I think I'm going to go ahead and not worry about it. I prefer the look of the Kromskis and the fact that they fold where the Ashford does not. My house is tiny and that folding is helpful.

Here's a look at my first work in progress-



So let's see.. We undecorated the tree in preparation for returning it to storage but I couldn't bring myself to take it down completely. It adds a nice amount of light to the living room and I need to replace a bulb in a lamp to compensate for the darkness that the tree had been keeping at bay. We get so little reprieve fromthe dark this time of year.

Well it's late and I just wanted to get something written before heading to bed. I was getting ready to brush my teeth when I realized I was about to fail on my resolution on the first day so here I am preventing that sad fate.

Oh and one last note of something important that happened today besides entering a new decade. There is now a new Doctor. I got to watch the final adventure of Ten and the ushering in of Eleven. It was exciting and sad at the same time. Ten will always be My Doctor and it was hard seeing his run end but this is also the first regeneration I've been witness to as a fan of the show and there was a great deal of anticipation and wonderment at what the future will bring. I think Eleven will be great in his own unique way and I'm eagerly awaiting the spring now. And not just because it means the sun will be returning to this frozen land.

Allons y!

First Goal!

Big day for our soccer player... Q scored his first goal ever today and to make it even more awesome it was the only score by anyone from either team the whole game so he won it for the Green Geckos! Q's score was made by a penalty shot that the coach made a point of letting him take. I later found out it was because last night at practice Q said to the coach, "Coach, I wanna make a goal in the next game." When the coach was telling me this story at the end of the game today he had a really big smile on his face.. I think he was beaming more than Q!

I guess we're gonna go eat out tonight to celebrate. Yay! There's a halibut sandwich with my name on it. mmmm..... halibut.... *drool*

(soccer pictures forthcoming)

the joys of potty learning

I've started trying to get Meme on the potty lately. It's looking like it may be a bit premature. Today I heard rumbling coming from her diaper region so I jumped up, whipped off her diaper and plopped her on the seat. There we sat for a good 15 minutes playing with a toy and waiting for something... anything... to happen. To no avail. So I picked her up and as soon as I set her feet upon the floor... She peed. On the floor... and my foot. *sigh*

25 Random Things

1. I enjoy brown miso as a sandwich condiment.

2. I was teargassed by riot cops and nearly swept out to sea all in one day in Miami. The picture is from that day. >>>

3. I've birthed 3 babies underwater and the idea of landbirth scares me.

4. My knowledge of astrology far exceeds the average person's and I once considered becoming a professional astrologer.

5. I am a serial hobbyist. I have a tendency to adopt more art and craft interests than I could ever possibly have time for.

6. I am addicted to internet surfing. No one website in particular.. I just flow amongst many. I seem to get sucked into some kind of vortex where time ceases to exist until someone calls me back to real life by demanding my attention. Despite this, I stink at replying to emails in any kind of timely fashion.

7. I hate washing dishes.

8. I can recognize and identify a wide variety of ball python color morphs.

9. My maternal grandmother's uncle- Walter Harper, was the first man to reach the summit of Denali.

10. Ten years ago I was hospitalized for three weeks after a psychotic break from reality. You might say I'm a psycho in remission. Consequently I have a very keen understanding of the fragility of sanity.

11. I still still harbor my childhood dream of becoming a comic book artist.

12. I often wish my Grandma Sandberg could see how well I knit today. She tried teaching me when I was about 12 and I failed miserably. It's my favorite hobby now.

13. My first child was born on Friday the 13th.

14. After developing a strange allergic reaction to the oils in coffee I had to switch to tea and now have chai every morning.

15. I home school my kids.

16. My favorite game is pool and I don't get to play nearly often enough now that I have kids.

17. I fantasize about living in an intentional community that focuses on sustainable living and permaculture.

18. I just started drinking a daily tonic of apple cider vinegar, raw honey and baking soda. It's fizzy and surprisingly delicious!

19. I am using cooking shows as a tool to force myself to enjoy cooking. It seems to be working... slowly ... but surely.

20. When I finally build my own home it will be made of straw bale.

21. I've lived in Fairbanks, Alaska.... Madison, Wisconsin.... Portland, Oregon.... and Nederland, Colorado. I still can't decide where it is that I want to settle in for the long haul.

22. I'm not very good at writing lists or managing my time but I recognize that these are skills I absolutely need to cultivate in order to get what I want out of life. I'm a work in progress yet.

23. After experiencing death intimately I no longer fear it for where it may take me. My only fear is leaving behind loved ones who may still need me.

24. I am a worrier.

25. I am a optimist.

the one where I start to get caught up

I've blogged several times in my imagination since my last entry but have yet to get any of them out of my head and on to the blog. I've been afflicted lately with an especially horrid case of procrastination and escapism. I've been wasting time playing this silly game called Zuma that I became obsessed with conquering.. Once I did that I was sucked in by the incredibly strong gravitational field belonging to a certain addictive series of books involving some teenage vampire romance and ended up losing about a week and half of my life as I read all four novels. Amidst all this a few noteworthy things should have been blogged about and were not and so I will attempt to remedy that now.

First off.... Thanksgiving. I rocked it Martha Stewart style baby. Okay so the hubby helped out quite a bit but I'm proud to say that our first Turkey Day at home on our own went very well.
It's not the most glamourous picture (I was in too much of a hurry to eat to be bothered with setting up fancy pictures) but it shows the spread. There was lemon walnut brussel sprouts, buscuits, juicy turkey, brown sugar cabbage, stuffing, sweet squash potato casserole, mashed potatoes, cranberry ginger jelly, maple sweet potatoes and gravy.


Each and every thing homemade from scratch thank-you-very-much. I've never been much of a cook (or homemaker type at all really) so making all this stuff was a really big deal. I will admit I didn't plan it out as well as I should have and ended up only getting about 3 hours of sleep the night before because I totally underestimated the amount of time it would take to make the pies. At midnight I thought, "well... it will probably only take a couple hours.. I'll go ahead and make em.." and once I jumped in and got started it became obvious that it was more like a four hour process and I didn't get to bed until about 6 am because once it gets past a certain point in the night I start moving v e r y s l o w l y .. plus I felt the compulsive need to clean the kichen once I got my second... or third... wind.

It all worked out well though and my brother that I hadn't seen in more than a year came in from out of town and ate with us. It was super. Oh and it was my birthday on Thanksgiving this year so I had birthday apple pie.. YUM. Pulling off the grandiose accomplishment of cooking this large dinner was a nice way to ring in my 30th birthday. It made me feel like a real grown up.

So then.... on December 3rd.. exactly ten days before her birthday.. Little Meara began walking! I so love watching babies take their first toddling steps. It's got to be one of my favorite things in the whole world. It's just so adorable the way their little faces light up with happiness and pride at something they've been working so hard on for so long.


ALSO.. incredibly this little one has started talking! I don't think the other two kids started this early and Memer already has 3 words solidly in her repertoire. First she started saying, "Hi". Whenever someone enters a room or the phone rings she gleefully shows off her perfect enunciation and contextual use of this greeting. That started within a few days of her walking. Then a couple days after that she started saying "Dad".

Shockingly she has even combined these two words into her first sentence! "Hi, Dad!" Who knew that this could happen so early! I mean.. I know it's a very simple sentence but still.. she's barely 1!

Now, for the last week or so she's started saying 'done'. This has to do with nursing... I am still nursing Zay and whenever she is finished she will say 'done'. Meara has caught on to this and now she does the same thing. It's sooo adorable.

So those are the big milestones of late. I'm still way behind in a bunch of paperwork and email correspondence but atleast I've tackled this blog backlog and hopefully it will carry over into the other things I'm procrastinating on and I'll see those things done in the next couple days. Send me some "get-stuff-done vibes" if you will please.. I really need it. Happy Holidays everyone!!

That's one BIG SOCK

*picture by Sam Harrel

Yesterday I got to play a bit part in making history. I knit about a hundred stitches into what will hopefully become the world's largest sock. It's been traveling around the world and when I read in the paper that it had arrived here I just had to contribute to the effort. Just so I can say I helped make something that got into the Guiness Book of World records. Cool.

**Even though I brought my camera I was so distracted by the awesomeness of this gargantuan sock I completely forgot to take a picture.. DOH!

Yes we did!

I have never felt more pride in my country than I do right now. I can't stop grinning like a silly fool. What an incredible time to be alive.

on politics

Part of the reason that I've been in a blogging slump lately is that I'm spending way to much time glued to the news. Between the scary rumblings of impending economic depression and the historical Presidential election I can't seem to tear myself away from discussion forums and Charlie Rose.

One thing I want to document here is Colin Powell on Meet the Press. He is the first person I've seen on the media address something that I think is very important. With all this talk about whether or not Obama is a Muslim (obviously he is not) the underlying assumption is that if he were a Muslim that would somehow make him unfit to be President. Considering that we live in a nation founded on religious freedom and populated with a very diverse range of people I find this assumption very anti-American.

I'll let you watch this clip and hear for yourselves what Powell says on the matter.




Here is the picture that he is talking about. I can only imagine how offensive all the propaganda about Obama possibly being a Muslim with it's underlying implication of intolerance must be for families such as those of this fallen soldier. To think that a man who fights and dies for his country would be deemed by so many people as unacceptable as a possible leader of the nation based on his religion is horrible.

on matters of my health

I'm feeling so much better these days and I believe that it has everything to do with taking a daily prenatal multivitamin + magnesium suppliment + flax oil Every. Day.
I knew I should have been taking a daily vitamin but I'd let that drift into a once a week sort of habit and didn't think anything of it until these slightly annoying chronic issues grew into headaches and joint aches that were freaking me out. I'm convinced that it was nothing more than a vitamin deficiency because these symptoms have pretty much disappeared these past three weeks with my new regimen of supplements. This goes to show me that there is a very good reason that nursing mothers are told to take their vitamins. Apparently I am not some kind of superhuman that can ignore that fundamental rule of good health. Who knew?

Well.. I'm feeling much better today. B came home from work yesterday and said that he's heard that some kind of bug is going around that gives people awful headaches. Funny but that was incredibly reassuring. I was then reminded that almost every time I feel an illness coming on there there is this paranoid worrying about a chronic condition that always overtakes me. Then it turns out to just be another bug and I get better and that is that. When will I learn?

kidlet updates and some morbid wonderings

I've apparently been in a blogging funk or something. I keep thinking about doing it and then not following through. So this is me just walking over to the computer and pounding something out.

Zay had her birthday this month. She's a three year old now and it's pretty incredible how fast these kids grow. Her especially.. since she's been about 2.5 yrs old people have mistaken her for a 4 year old. She's a tall one. Her speech is really ratcheted up a notch of late as well and she loves practicing her words by looking at flash cards and naming things. We were watching the Simpsons the other night and there was this part where Flanders and Homer were riding these horses that were running and jumping like ninjas (ninja horses!) and Zay said approvingly, "Nice one nee-hee." (Her name for animals is the sound they make) It was hilarious.

Memer is growing by leaps and bounds as well. She's very adept at cruising along the edge of the coffee table and is VERY INTERESTED in eating. She gets mad if we don't share what we have. It's still primarily her chewing and spitting things out.. not a lot of swallowing going on but she's working up to that. She's also becoming more diversified in her expressions. She's got this mischievious scrunchy grin that is crazy cute.

Quinn is quite a smarty pants and regularly astounds me with things he knows but that I have no idea where he learned them. He picks stuff up like a sponge. He's also testing the limits of his independence by refusing to do what I ask of him regularly. It's frustrating but I try to remain calm and explain things and dialogue with him instead of just being mad and threatening him with loss of privileges every time he does it. I will admit I'm not always successful with that though.

I've recently been kinda freaked out by some weird health issues I've been having. For awhile I was having some serious joint aches, especially in my elbows and shoulders that I didn't understand. I started taking a daily magnesium suppliment and also flax oil and that seems to have helped. Additionally, over the last couple months I've had about 4 or 5 headaches that are unlike anything I've experienced before. Throbbing on one side of my head, blurry spots in my vision and nausea. I think they are migraines and it really stinks. The last time I felt on coming on I thwarted it by downing a dose of magnesium and a multivitamin with a big glass of water. Now for the last couple days I've been feeling dizzy upon waking in the morning. It's when I open my eyes and stretch first thing, it makes my head spin strongly. Very weird.

As a disclaimer I must say I'm rather paranoid about morbid things.. it's just this weird thing about me.. I ponder dark possibilities frequently and today it was the possibility that I could have a brain tumor. It's nothing new.. I've been freaked out by the possibility before but this time these weird head things going on with me are adding fuel to my morbid wonderings.

The thing is.. I don't fear dying for myself. The fear that paralyzes me is that my children would be left without a mother. That thought is horrifying. My babies need me.

I've always imagined and felt that I will die as an old woman though so I find comfort in that strong intuitive sense of what lies in my future.

So.. sorry to get all dark there for a moment but it's what was on my mind today.

Gotta go lay baby down.
More later.. maybe tomorrow.

erm

yeah.. so I totally repeated myself there about the house buying. Goes to show how often I reread what I've written previously. I wrote that like it was breaking news even though I'd already blogged it. oh well. I'm forgetful like that.

Another August

August is a month that significant things always seem to take place in my life. It was August 10th of my 17th year when I first witnessed a human being take the breath that marked the beginning of his life. It was in August of my 19th year that I was pronounced clinically insane and committed to the psych ward of the hospital for two weeks after an LSD trip gone very wrong. Then on the 7th anniversary of witnessing that first breath of life, I watched as my son's father took the final breath that marked the end of his life. August is a month that will forever feel heavy and thick with significance for the rest of my life.

August of this year has been marked with a happy development. We became homeowners. My mother extended us a generous offer and we were able to buy the house we've been renting for the last 3 years. Another life changing development in the month of August.

mmmmmm worms...

I was giddy when I saw red worms at the farmers market today. Ive been wanting to get a worm bin going for quite some time but never seemed to get around to ordering the red wigglers through the mail. It was so convenient to just pick some up at the market. I just finished getting their new home set up and after letting the kids hold them a bit Ive gotten them all settled in and fed. Im thrilled to be able to continue actively composting even when the pile outdoors is frozen solid in the middle of winter. Yay for worm castings!

the one where they got closer to buying the farm

Today we officially became homeowners! It's far from being our dream home but we're not complaining. The papers are signed the checks are issued and we now own our house. Well our name is on the title anyway and if we follow the schedule this house will be paid of in 2023.

We don't plan on living here that long though. This house is a means to an end as far as we are concerned. The goal is to sell this house within five years and use the profit (which should be substantial considering the sweet deal my mom cut us on the place) to buy some land where we can be away from the city and live a more sustainable lifestyle. Grassfarmers perhaps? I read (and hubby is in the middle of it) Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma and we are both inspired by the story of a farm called Polyface. I've had the itch to try farming for a while now but this is the first time that Brett has expressed interest in it and I'm thrilled.