Harpyr's Patchwork Tree

finished

2010-01-09T23:16:00.003-09:00

I finished my scarf on Thursday. I absolutely love it, flaws and all. It has such a different feel than knitting and it was soooo much faster. Probably a total of 6 or 7 hours, spaced over the course of a week. I worked in short bursts, given the constant interruption of children. Of course now today I've experienced a constant pain in my right shoulder and I'm wondering if it was because of the movement required during weaving. Certainly I need to give it break so I haven't started on a second yet. Not to mention I need to focus on some other higher priority projects.

It's been a year now that I've had my spinning wheel and it's still not finished. I'm so very disappointed in myself for not finishing it by that self imposed deadline. I took it apart yesterday and have been working on it. I really like the way it's turning out and the resistance that I'd been feeling towards working on it these last couple months melted away once I dismantled it and just put the wood burning pen in my hand. It would seem the best cure for procrastination is just putting myself in motion. I'd been hoping (somewhat irrationally) that I could get the wheel done in time to spin up the fiber that's in the mail on its way to me as we speak. It's a spin-along for the months of Jan/Feb. It's my first spin along and I'm looking forward to it but I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have to reassemble the wheel before it's finished if I want to get the yarn spun up in the allotted time. Oh well. Truth be told I haven't spun any yarn on my wheel in quite some time and I'm itching to get to it.

Well I'll wrap this up because it's waaay past my bedtime yet again.

slowly generating enthusiasm

2010-01-06T22:29:00.002-09:00

I've been reading my story today and doing minor editing as I come across bits of grammatical or spelling errors that need touching up but I still haven't started writing anything of substance. I can see the gaps staring me in the face, needing to be filled in but I'm just not feeling the enthusiasm yet. I think I need to do more research on ancient Irish culture (what little is known of it) and hopefully that will recharge my engines with regard to this story. Taking a month away from it has definitely taken some of the wind out of my sails. I'm determined to get back to it though.... as soon as I finish this woven scarf.

I'm soo close to being done. Literally less than 12 inches from the end and that can be done in less than an hour then I just need to figure out how to get it off the loom and tie the fringe. I'm so excited that I'm going to go work on it right now, even though I should be in bed.

Yeah.. I'm still working on that whole 'writing in the morning instead of at the last minute before bed' thing. *sigh*

New Years Resolution FAIL

2010-01-05T22:11:00.003-09:00

I wish I could say that the reason I failed to blog yesterday was because I filled my writing quota by working on the novel but alas I cannot. I'm sad to admit that after only three days I totally spaced out the resolution and didn't write a thing. The funny thing is I was doing my usual morning internet cruising of Ravelry and Facebook and thought to myself, "this is really the time I should be writing instead of the end of the day when I'm tired and should be in bed." So then I find myself tucked in after watching some Six Feet Under (great show btw) and it's 12:30am when I realize that I had a writing FAIL for the day.

However! I shall not let this get me down. There are still 361 more days for me to get it right and it would be foolish to give up after a minor stumble. Onward and Upward!

What I see now is that I really should be writing in the morning. My evenings are too packed with stuff to try and cram writing in on top of it all. It's my tendancy to put things off till the last minute but in this situation it's really counterintuitive. I have more time in the morning when Quinn is at school and the girls like to watch their morning PBS shows while I sip my chai. So that is another habit I will work on integrating. Plus I need to go to bed earlier. 6 or 7 hours of sleep just isn't enough for me and so getting to bed at 10 is really important. It is 10:21 right now so I'd better wrap this most boring and mundane blog entry up.

I think I'm going to change the settings so my blog update doesn't post to facebook everytime I publish. I'm worried that I'm spamming people's newfeeds with the daily notes and I feel kinda self conscious about it. So.... yeah.. the link to my blog is on my page if anyone is interested in reading these ramblings.

G'night.

the witch under the stairs

2010-01-03T23:40:00.000-09:00

When Azalea woke up this morning she began describing in great detail her dream with fervor. She asked me in a rapid and urgent tone, "What lives under our stairs, mom? Is there a bad witch under the stairs??" I told here that nothing could live under our stairs because there was nothing but dirt under there. (After The Flood many a year ago our basement was filled with silt and there are still closed off portions that have yet to be dug clear.) She proceeded to tell me that in her dream a bad witch had taken her friend Beth and that she lived under the stairs. She went on and on with details that were hard to decipher because she was talking so fast and sometimes her speech is still hard to understand, especially in the morning when my brain is still foggy. She wanted to go across the street to make sure that Beth was okay and I had to reassure her that dreams were not real, that Beth was probably still sound asleep and that we should go back to sleep too because it was 6am and it was much too early to be awake on a Sunday. Thankfully she took my advice and we snuggled until sleep returned for us both. When we woke up to face the day at 9 she continued to talk about the same dream as if there had been no break in the conversation from three hours earlier. It was the strangest thing. She's talked about her dreams for awhile now but this was so much more detailed and serious than she had ever been before. It's so interesting to watch her try and decipher reality from fantasy. I marvel at how powerful the imagination is for her. She has a dream of a bad witch under the stairs and it's as real to her as I am. She goes outside to call out to the Care Bears that she is so certain live in the clouds and gets really upset when they don't answer her. She begs to go visit Edward Scissorhands or Dorothy and Toto because she is so convinced that they are really out there somewhere. Four year olds are amazing.

just keep typing...just keep typing..

2010-01-02T22:39:00.000-09:00

Here it is only the second day and I'm already feeling at a loss for anything interesting to write on my blog. My life seems pretty consistently mundane from day to day so I'm always hesitant to write about it on here because my inner critic just chides me for thinking that anyone would have an interest in reading about it. I must work harder to squash that annoying little voice down and write onward if I'm going to stick with this resolution.

My mom came over today and offered to watch the kids while I took her car somewhere. Since I didn't want to spend money I opted to go to the library for some quiet time. I ended up getting on the internet and reading part of my novel for an hour. It's been almost a month since I've looked at it and seeing it with fresh eyes has renewed my momentum to see it finished. I read the end and was pleased to see that even though I rushed through that part to finish by the deadline it is still a pretty decent bit of writing. A bit heavy in the sappy romance department but hey, some people like that sort of thing, myself included and I refuse to be too hard on myself for writing something fluffy. It may be cheesy but it's fun and people like fun, especially me and the most important thing I'm learning is that I need to write something that *I* enjoy, otherwise the process is tedious and well... not fun.

One hang up that I'm facing right now is juggling all these projects that I want to work on. The novel thing is on something of a deadline since the free proof copy that I won from NaNoWriMo expires in May. I'd like my novel to be finished and edited by then so I can have the pleasure of getting a copy that can sit on my bookshelf amongst the rest in all it's glory. Another thing that is nagging at me is my spinning wheel. It's officially been a year now that I've owned her and she is still unfinished. It's just the last little bit of detail work that is left before I can oil the wood properly to protect it from changes in humidity and dirt. I can already see that the wood has changed color from being handled by me and the occasional grubby child's hand. I had vowed to finish it before a year had passed and I'm disappointed that I didn't stick with that. Then there's this weaving bug that's bitten me. Oh, I can be so scattered and I really wish I was better at finishing things in a timely manner. Procrastination has long been my nemesis.

School starts up for Quinn on Tuesday. I'm simultaneously happy and mournful for it to begin. I've enjoyed being able to stay home and not have to rush around in the morning. I need to make a better effort to get to bed earlier and wake up earlier so we can take our time before leaving for school and it's going to be even harder since we've slid back into a late schedule during the break. On the other hand I will be happy for Quinn to have something to occupy his brain during the day besides video games and harrassing his sisters- his two favorite pastimes. Santa brought us a Wii for Christmas and I've been lax on the time restrictions I usually impose on the video games during the break. I think it will do Quinn a lot of good to unplug for the school week when I only allow him one 30 minute session that he has to earn by doing a chore. The weekends are basically the only time he is allowed to play for long stretches and there is a noticable difference in his attitude when he has been playing too much.

Well... my hands hurt now because I've been weaving a bunch today so I'm going to wrap this up. Maybe I'll do a recap of the holidays tomorrow. I like to read back though the blog about what we were up to years ago so I don't want to forget to document the important stuff that I'll want to remember later.

G'night!

2010-01-01T22:36:00.000-09:00

Hello blog. Long time no see. It's a new year and I'm making a resolution to write on a daily basis. I'm not committing to it being a blog entry a day because I've still got a novel to finish and I'm sure there will be days when contributing to that is as much as I can manage. However I do want to make a point of documenting my life on a more regular basis and I'm sure there will be days when I have absolutely no desire to write a single thing on my novel and the blog can act as a substitute for my daily writing quota.

Today I spent most of the day researching looms as I try and make a decision about whether or not I should buy the 16" Kromski Harp or go for the 24" or totally jump ship and get the Ashford rigid heddle. It's a tough decision but I think I'm nearing a finality on the matter. I've been weaving a scarf on the 16" harp that I've rented from the LYS and I'm very pleased with how the loom feels. I'll probably end up purchasing it. My only regret is that to make a nice wide shawl or blanket I'll have to sew panels together. It's not ideal but I think it's a fair trade off considering that 90% of the time I'll be weaving scarves that fit just fine on the smaller loom. The 16" is comfortable in my lap and I don't need a stand for it. I'm not sure I'd be able to say the same about the 24". The main reason I considered going with the Ashford instead was because someone pointed out that the quality of the wood might be superior (New Zealand Silver Beech) to that of the Kromski (European Alder). The concern being that screws more easily strip the softer wood I guess. I haven't come across any posts of people with this problem though so I think I'm going to go ahead and not worry about it. I prefer the look of the Kromskis and the fact that they fold where the Ashford does not. My house is tiny and that folding is helpful.

Here's a look at my first work in progress-

So let's see.. We undecorated the tree in preparation for returning it to storage but I couldn't bring myself to take it down completely. It adds a nice amount of light to the living room and I need to replace a bulb in a lamp to compensate for the darkness that the tree had been keeping at bay. We get so little reprieve fromthe dark this time of year.

Well it's late and I just wanted to get something written before heading to bed. I was getting ready to brush my teeth when I realized I was about to fail on my resolution on the first day so here I am preventing that sad fate.

Oh and one last note of something important that happened today besides entering a new decade. There is now a new Doctor. I got to watch the final adventure of Ten and the ushering in of Eleven. It was exciting and sad at the same time. Ten will always be My Doctor and it was hard seeing his run end but this is also the first regeneration I've been witness to as a fan of the show and there was a great deal of anticipation and wonderment at what the future will bring. I think Eleven will be great in his own unique way and I'm eagerly awaiting the spring now. And not just because it means the sun will be returning to this frozen land.

Allons y!

First Goal!

2009-02-21T13:25:00.000-09:00

Big day for our soccer player... Q scored his first goal ever today and to make it even more awesome it was the only score by anyone from either team the whole game so he won it for the Green Geckos! Q's score was made by a penalty shot that the coach made a point of letting him take. I later found out it was because last night at practice Q said to the coach, "Coach, I wanna make a goal in the next game." When the coach was telling me this story at the end of the game today he had a really big smile on his face.. I think he was beaming more than Q!

I guess we're gonna go eat out tonight to celebrate. Yay! There's a halibut sandwich with my name on it. mmmm..... halibut.... *drool*

(soccer pictures forthcoming)

the joys of potty learning

2009-02-10T11:16:00.000-09:00

I've started trying to get Meme on the potty lately. It's looking like it may be a bit premature. Today I heard rumbling coming from her diaper region so I jumped up, whipped off her diaper and plopped her on the seat. There we sat for a good 15 minutes playing with a toy and waiting for something... anything... to happen. To no avail. So I picked her up and as soon as I set her feet upon the floor... She peed. On the floor... and my foot. *sigh*

25 Random Things

2009-02-03T09:59:00.000-09:00

1. I enjoy brown miso as a sandwich condiment.

2. I was teargassed by riot cops and nearly swept out to sea all in one day in Miami. The picture is from that day. >>>

3. I've birthed 3 babies underwater and the idea of landbirth scares me.

4. My knowledge of astrology far exceeds the average person's and I once considered becoming a professional astrologer.

5. I am a serial hobbyist. I have a tendency to adopt more art and craft interests than I could ever possibly have time for.

6. I am addicted to internet surfing. No one website in particular.. I just flow amongst many. I seem to get sucked into some kind of vortex where time ceases to exist until someone calls me back to real life by demanding my attention. Despite this, I stink at replying to emails in any kind of timely fashion.

7. I hate washing dishes.

8. I can recognize and identify a wide variety of ball python color morphs.

9. My maternal grandmother's uncle- Walter Harper, was the first man to reach the summit of Denali.

10. Ten years ago I was hospitalized for three weeks after a psychotic break from reality. You might say I'm a psycho in remission. Consequently I have a very keen understanding of the fragility of sanity.

11. I still still harbor my childhood dream of becoming a comic book artist.

12. I often wish my Grandma Sandberg could see how well I knit today. She tried teaching me when I was about 12 and I failed miserably. It's my favorite hobby now.

13. My first child was born on Friday the 13th.

14. After developing a strange allergic reaction to the oils in coffee I had to switch to tea and now have chai every morning.

15. I home school my kids.

16. My favorite game is pool and I don't get to play nearly often enough now that I have kids.

17. I fantasize about living in an intentional community that focuses on sustainable living and permaculture.

18. I just started drinking a daily tonic of apple cider vinegar, raw honey and baking soda. It's fizzy and surprisingly delicious!

19. I am using cooking shows as a tool to force myself to enjoy cooking. It seems to be working... slowly ... but surely.

20. When I finally build my own home it will be made of straw bale.

21. I've lived in Fairbanks, Alaska.... Madison, Wisconsin.... Portland, Oregon.... and Nederland, Colorado. I still can't decide where it is that I want to settle in for the long haul.

22. I'm not very good at writing lists or managing my time but I recognize that these are skills I absolutely need to cultivate in order to get what I want out of life. I'm a work in progress yet.

23. After experiencing death intimately I no longer fear it for where it may take me. My only fear is leaving behind loved ones who may still need me.

24. I am a worrier.

25. I am a optimist.

the one where I start to get caught up

2008-12-21T18:24:00.000-09:00

I've blogged several times in my imagination since my last entry but have yet to get any of them out of my head and on to the blog. I've been afflicted lately with an especially horrid case of procrastination and escapism. I've been wasting time playing this silly game called Zuma that I became obsessed with conquering.. Once I did that I was sucked in by the incredibly strong gravitational field belonging to a certain addictive series of books involving some teenage vampire romance and ended up losing about a week and half of my life as I read all four novels. Amidst all this a few noteworthy things should have been blogged about and were not and so I will attempt to remedy that now.

First off.... Thanksgiving. I rocked it Martha Stewart style baby. Okay so the hubby helped out quite a bit but I'm proud to say that our first Turkey Day at home on our own went very well.
It's not the most glamourous picture (I was in too much of a hurry to eat to be bothered with setting up fancy pictures) but it shows the spread. There was lemon walnut brussel sprouts, buscuits, juicy turkey, brown sugar cabbage, stuffing, sweet squash potato casserole, mashed potatoes, cranberry ginger jelly, maple sweet potatoes and gravy.

Each and every thing homemade from scratch thank-you-very-much. I've never been much of a cook (or homemaker type at all really) so making all this stuff was a really big deal. I will admit I didn't plan it out as well as I should have and ended up only getting about 3 hours of sleep the night before because I totally underestimated the amount of time it would take to make the pies. At midnight I thought, "well... it will probably only take a couple hours.. I'll go ahead and make em.." and once I jumped in and got started it became obvious that it was more like a four hour process and I didn't get to bed until about 6 am because once it gets past a certain point in the night I start moving v e r y s l o w l y .. plus I felt the compulsive need to clean the kichen once I got my second... or third... wind.

It all worked out well though and my brother that I hadn't seen in more than a year came in from out of town and ate with us. It was super. Oh and it was my birthday on Thanksgiving this year so I had birthday apple pie.. YUM. Pulling off the grandiose accomplishment of cooking this large dinner was a nice way to ring in my 30th birthday. It made me feel like a real grown up.

So then.... on December 3rd.. exactly ten days before her birthday.. Little Meara began walking! I so love watching babies take their first toddling steps. It's got to be one of my favorite things in the whole world. It's just so adorable the way their little faces light up with happiness and pride at something they've been working so hard on for so long.

ALSO.. incredibly this little one has started talking! I don't think the other two kids started this early and Memer already has 3 words solidly in her repertoire. First she started saying, "Hi". Whenever someone enters a room or the phone rings she gleefully shows off her perfect enunciation and contextual use of this greeting. That started within a few days of her walking. Then a couple days after that she started saying "Dad".

Shockingly she has even combined these two words into her first sentence! "Hi, Dad!" Who knew that this could happen so early! I mean.. I know it's a very simple sentence but still.. she's barely 1!

Now, for the last week or so she's started saying 'done'. This has to do with nursing... I am still nursing Zay and whenever she is finished she will say 'done'. Meara has caught on to this and now she does the same thing. It's sooo adorable.

So those are the big milestones of late. I'm still way behind in a bunch of paperwork and email correspondence but atleast I've tackled this blog backlog and hopefully it will carry over into the other things I'm procrastinating on and I'll see those things done in the next couple days. Send me some "get-stuff-done vibes" if you will please.. I really need it. Happy Holidays everyone!!

That's one BIG SOCK

2008-11-22T16:20:00.000-09:00

*picture by Sam Harrel

Yesterday I got to play a bit part in making history. I knit about a hundred stitches into what will hopefully become the world's largest sock. It's been traveling around the world and when I read in the paper that it had arrived here I just had to contribute to the effort. Just so I can say I helped make something that got into the Guiness Book of World records. Cool.

**Even though I brought my camera I was so distracted by the awesomeness of this gargantuan sock I completely forgot to take a picture.. DOH!

2008-11-05T15:47:00.000-09:00

Yes we did!

I have never felt more pride in my country than I do right now. I can't stop grinning like a silly fool. What an incredible time to be alive.

on politics

2008-10-22T16:00:00.000-08:00

Part of the reason that I've been in a blogging slump lately is that I'm spending way to much time glued to the news. Between the scary rumblings of impending economic depression and the historical Presidential election I can't seem to tear myself away from discussion forums and Charlie Rose.

One thing I want to document here is Colin Powell on Meet the Press. He is the first person I've seen on the media address something that I think is very important. With all this talk about whether or not Obama is a Muslim (obviously he is not) the underlying assumption is that if he were a Muslim that would somehow make him unfit to be President. Considering that we live in a nation founded on religious freedom and populated with a very diverse range of people I find this assumption very anti-American.

I'll let you watch this clip and hear for yourselves what Powell says on the matter.

Watch &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.fanpop.com/spots/2008-presidential-election-usa/videos/2630149"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Colin Powell endorses Barack Obama&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt; on &amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://www.fanpop.com/"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Fanpop&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;

Here is the picture that he is talking about. I can only imagine how offensive all the propaganda about Obama possibly being a Muslim with it's underlying implication of intolerance must be for families such as those of this fallen soldier. To think that a man who fights and dies for his country would be deemed by so many people as unacceptable as a possible leader of the nation based on his religion is horrible.

on matters of my health

2008-10-22T15:18:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling so much better these days and I believe that it has everything to do with taking a daily prenatal multivitamin + magnesium suppliment + flax oil Every. Day.
I knew I should have been taking a daily vitamin but I'd let that drift into a once a week sort of habit and didn't think anything of it until these slightly annoying chronic issues grew into headaches and joint aches that were freaking me out. I'm convinced that it was nothing more than a vitamin deficiency because these symptoms have pretty much disappeared these past three weeks with my new regimen of supplements. This goes to show me that there is a very good reason that nursing mothers are told to take their vitamins. Apparently I am not some kind of superhuman that can ignore that fundamental rule of good health. Who knew?

2008-10-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

Well.. I'm feeling much better today. B came home from work yesterday and said that he's heard that some kind of bug is going around that gives people awful headaches. Funny but that was incredibly reassuring. I was then reminded that almost every time I feel an illness coming on there there is this paranoid worrying about a chronic condition that always overtakes me. Then it turns out to just be another bug and I get better and that is that. When will I learn?

kidlet updates and some morbid wonderings

2008-09-30T19:32:00.000-08:00

I've apparently been in a blogging funk or something. I keep thinking about doing it and then not following through. So this is me just walking over to the computer and pounding something out.

Zay had her birthday this month. She's a three year old now and it's pretty incredible how fast these kids grow. Her especially.. since she's been about 2.5 yrs old people have mistaken her for a 4 year old. She's a tall one. Her speech is really ratcheted up a notch of late as well and she loves practicing her words by looking at flash cards and naming things. We were watching the Simpsons the other night and there was this part where Flanders and Homer were riding these horses that were running and jumping like ninjas (ninja horses!) and Zay said approvingly, "Nice one nee-hee." (Her name for animals is the sound they make) It was hilarious.

Memer is growing by leaps and bounds as well. She's very adept at cruising along the edge of the coffee table and is VERY INTERESTED in eating. She gets mad if we don't share what we have. It's still primarily her chewing and spitting things out.. not a lot of swallowing going on but she's working up to that. She's also becoming more diversified in her expressions. She's got this mischievious scrunchy grin that is crazy cute.

Quinn is quite a smarty pants and regularly astounds me with things he knows but that I have no idea where he learned them. He picks stuff up like a sponge. He's also testing the limits of his independence by refusing to do what I ask of him regularly. It's frustrating but I try to remain calm and explain things and dialogue with him instead of just being mad and threatening him with loss of privileges every time he does it. I will admit I'm not always successful with that though.

I've recently been kinda freaked out by some weird health issues I've been having. For awhile I was having some serious joint aches, especially in my elbows and shoulders that I didn't understand. I started taking a daily magnesium suppliment and also flax oil and that seems to have helped. Additionally, over the last couple months I've had about 4 or 5 headaches that are unlike anything I've experienced before. Throbbing on one side of my head, blurry spots in my vision and nausea. I think they are migraines and it really stinks. The last time I felt on coming on I thwarted it by downing a dose of magnesium and a multivitamin with a big glass of water. Now for the last couple days I've been feeling dizzy upon waking in the morning. It's when I open my eyes and stretch first thing, it makes my head spin strongly. Very weird.

As a disclaimer I must say I'm rather paranoid about morbid things.. it's just this weird thing about me.. I ponder dark possibilities frequently and today it was the possibility that I could have a brain tumor. It's nothing new.. I've been freaked out by the possibility before but this time these weird head things going on with me are adding fuel to my morbid wonderings.

The thing is.. I don't fear dying for myself. The fear that paralyzes me is that my children would be left without a mother. That thought is horrifying. My babies need me.

I've always imagined and felt that I will die as an old woman though so I find comfort in that strong intuitive sense of what lies in my future.

So.. sorry to get all dark there for a moment but it's what was on my mind today.

Gotta go lay baby down.
More later.. maybe tomorrow.

erm

2008-09-04T14:01:00.000-08:00

yeah.. so I totally repeated myself there about the house buying. Goes to show how often I reread what I've written previously. I wrote that like it was breaking news even though I'd already blogged it. oh well. I'm forgetful like that.

Another August

2008-08-31T15:44:00.000-08:00

August is a month that significant things always seem to take place in my life. It was August 10th of my 17th year when I first witnessed a human being take the breath that marked the beginning of his life. It was in August of my 19th year that I was pronounced clinically insane and committed to the psych ward of the hospital for two weeks after an LSD trip gone very wrong. Then on the 7th anniversary of witnessing that first breath of life, I watched as my son's father took the final breath that marked the end of his life. August is a month that will forever feel heavy and thick with significance for the rest of my life.

August of this year has been marked with a happy development. We became homeowners. My mother extended us a generous offer and we were able to buy the house we've been renting for the last 3 years. Another life changing development in the month of August.

mmmmmm worms...

2008-08-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

I was giddy when I saw red worms at the farmers market today. Ive been wanting to get a worm bin going for quite some time but never seemed to get around to ordering the red wigglers through the mail. It was so convenient to just pick some up at the market. I just finished getting their new home set up and after letting the kids hold them a bit Ive gotten them all settled in and fed. Im thrilled to be able to continue actively composting even when the pile outdoors is frozen solid in the middle of winter. Yay for worm castings!

the one where they got closer to buying the farm

2008-08-15T14:05:00.000-08:00

Today we officially became homeowners! It's far from being our dream home but we're not complaining. The papers are signed the checks are issued and we now own our house. Well our name is on the title anyway and if we follow the schedule this house will be paid of in 2023.

We don't plan on living here that long though. This house is a means to an end as far as we are concerned. The goal is to sell this house within five years and use the profit (which should be substantial considering the sweet deal my mom cut us on the place) to buy some land where we can be away from the city and live a more sustainable lifestyle. Grassfarmers perhaps? I read (and hubby is in the middle of it) Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma and we are both inspired by the story of a farm called Polyface. I've had the itch to try farming for a while now but this is the first time that Brett has expressed interest in it and I'm thrilled.

She crawls!

2008-08-10T16:52:00.001-08:00

As of yesterday Meara is mobile.

my wee bonny lass becomes less wee

2008-07-28T12:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Meara figured out how to push herself backwards from her tummy up into a sit. I wondered if it was a fluke and so I put her back on her tummy and she did it three more times within 15 minutes. I said "Yay!" and gave her a round of applause and she just grinned with the proudest little smile I've ever seen from her.

It's a truly bittersweet thing to see. On the one hand I'm thrilled to see her accomplish new milestones and grow into herself but on the other hand I mourn the loss of my tiny little baby that is no longer. She's already nearing the "big baby" stage of crawling all over the place and I will miss the itty bitty baby that she was.

the market and alien-eyed creatures

2008-07-26T14:49:00.000-08:00

Q, Meme and I returned from the Farmer's market with full tummies. (Well maybe not Meme, hers was filled up with mama's milk before leaving.) Quinn ate his favorite thing- a lemon cream tube pastry thingy that is delicious.

I had my very favorite thing- a pita falafel.
mmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Quinn was hungry enough that my sounds of happiness while devouring it were too much to handle. He actually tried some. It's quite a feat for this little guy. He's a very very picky eater and doesn't brave new foods very often unless he's highly pressured or bribed to do so. This was one of those magical moments that doesn't come very often where he actually asked me to describe what it tastes like and then gave it a shot. His first two bites he gave a thumb half up half down.. then the second bite it was two thumbs in the middle zone.. kinda good kinda weird. Then by the third bite the thumbs were up and he finished the thing off. Of course I had to eat all the vegetables away from the sides of the falafel but it's a start. He did let the lettuce stay, so that's something green I suppose. All in all I was very proud of my picky eater today. I'm going to have to make some falafels at home now to keep this on the menu of stuff he'll eat.

Yesterday I made a quick stop by the cemetery to check on the wee ones. Mamabird was sitting on her nest. I snapped a few shots of her before she got mad at me and flew up to a nearby tree to yell at me. I felt bad for bugging her but I couldn't resist seeing how much the little ones had grown in the few days I'd been away. I know they change fast and I just had to see.

Sure enough they had grown noticeably larger and more feathers! Still in the freakish-alien-like stage but getting closer to looking like birds.

Mamabird was happy when I left and hopped back on over to her babes while I watched from a distance.

outings

2008-07-26T11:01:00.000-08:00

blech. That cold weather snap left everyone in our house besides Q with an annoying little cold. Sore throats and congestion. That's not supposed to happen in the summer. arrrgh.

Ah well... life must go on. Zay just went on her first outing with a friend. The girl across the street is five and invited Zay to go to see a Sesame Street stage production at the Carlson Center. It was last minute.. they were literally heading out the door for it but Zay really wanted to and is pretty comfortable with the neighbor mom so I let her go. I think she'll have a good time.

Quinn's buddy headed upriver with his uncle today so he's bummed that everyone is doing something fun but him. So we're going to head over to the farmer's market for something yummy.

The sun returns!

2008-07-24T14:23:00.000-08:00

After some of the coolest summer days I can remember the sun is finally back out and temp is about 70. For the last few days we were seeing day time temps in the low 60s with rain and wind and night time lows in the mid 30s.. I actually had to turn the heat on and I don't usually do that until August. Its been a very strange summer weather wise. I was actually afraid that my tomatoes might freeze before they had a chance to ripen. I think they made it through alright though.

I took the kids and bought some perennials on sale and went and planted them on my great-grandmother's grave the other day. I never knew her but I like to tend to resting place and reflect on my ancestors of this land. While we were there Quinn made this discovery-

Zay was especially fascinated and had no problem understanding the importance of not touching them.

"Baby Ah-Ahs!!" (Her names for animals are often simply the noises they make.. like "meows" and "woof woofs".. "ah-ah" is her impression of a raven call.)

Lakeside

2008-07-05T13:12:00.001-08:00

, originally uploaded by harpyr.

My brother flew in yesterday from Arizona for a surprise visit. Today is my dad's birthday and everybody is spending the weekend out at the lake cabin. I picked up my bro and we drove out to for the surprise visit. Dad had a big ol smile on his face. It's been two years since Tom visited last. I'm so glad to see him again. The kids had a great time playing in the mud and water. I didn't really venture far from the shaded deck and air conditioned cabin. It was about 85 F degrees out and I just don't like sweating all that much. It's weird that I spend all winter fantasizing about the summer and then when it gets here I can hardly stand to be outside for very long when the weather is like this. I much prefer the half cloudy days with a nice strong breeze and the occasional brief rain shower.. We've had a lot of those this summer and I've been thankful for that. We might head back out to the cabin on Sunday and I'll be sure to take some more pictures from different angles if I do. The few shots I did snap were all taken with a zoom from waaay up on the deck that over looks the water from a big hill.

A second chance

2008-07-02T15:16:00.001-08:00

The only way to cope with my intense emotional upset over the destruction of my flower bed was to promptly go out and buy new plants to replace it. Never mind that fully 1/3 (atleast!) of the growing season is past. I couldn't go through the rest of the summer with only a scraggly bunch of lamb's quarter growing where my lovely amaranth had been.
As it turns out a few of the tiny sprouts of amaranth that I started from seed survived and I found some nice big specimens at Anne's Greenhouse to look pretty while the sprouts grow up. I also got a nice big sage plant (not the culinary kind) that says it's hardy to -30F. If I insulate it with some straw in the winter I'm hoping it'll pull through.

I also got a few daisy plants that I'm in love with. One is the perfect shade of purple and so well complimentedby the orangey yellow ones. So bright and happy!

I reinforced the fence against the side of the house and patched up another hole I found with some chicken wire. I think that should do the trick. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Love-Lies-Bleeding

2008-07-01T11:04:00.000-08:00

My favorite plants faced an untimely end. Adie, our youngest Corgi got into the flower bed and murdered my amaranth plants. I am bawling like a baby over this. A person should not be this attached to plants but when your growing season is as short as ours there is a lot of anticipation that builds up over the winter. Needless to say, I was really looking forward to seeing my favorite flowers this year. Now that dream is dashed in a few brief moments of puppy mischief. How depressing.

2008-06-07T11:21:00.000-08:00

We rented a movie that has an Ironman preview on it and Quinn keeps watching it over and over and rocking out to the song.

Da Da DA DA DA da-da-da-da-da-da-da DaDaDa
He sings along with the heavy Black Sabbath guitar riff. It's pretty funny. We left Zay with Gramps for a couple hours and took Quinn and Meme to see that movie and we all really enjoyed it. It is my second favorite superhero movie after the Spiderman series. It's way better than the Fantastic Four or even X-Men. Loved it. Robert Downey Jr. was very funny and witty. I'm already wanting to see it again.. gonna have to wait for dvd though. Movies are so expensive in the theatre!

gettin stuff done...

2008-05-29T19:45:00.000-08:00

Major stuff got taken care of today. My mom and her hubby Jon came over and helped me fix some stuff around here. He replaced an electrical outlet that wasn't working properly and patched a pipe so that I can use my outdoor faucet again. She hauled a bunch of boxes of toys out of the basement and out to the shed to get ready for a garage sale and held the baby so I could clean the cat box. I'm very appreciative and slowly warming up to her new husband. As it turns out he seems to be a decent sort of fellow with only good intentions. I'm glad for that.

Our dogs are recovering from being spayed and neutered on Sunday. No corgi puppies for us. It seemed like a good idea at one point but we came to the conclusion awhile ago that it would just be way more effort than we are willing to invest to take care of a litter and make sure they all made it to good homes.

I also got my shop up and running finally. You can see a link over to the left there for it. I haven't been doing anything for the shop lately but I hope to get back to it soon. Right now I just have some small pieces that I finished weeks ago.

I'm trying to get the yard all cleaned up and ready for planting. I got my compost pile all sorted out today. The old compost that is ready for using in beds is now piled up and the bin is empty and ready to take all the food scraps that have built up over the winter. I just stick my kitchen scraps in plastic shopping bags and put them in a trash can next to my back door and then empty them into the pile when spring comes. It's kinda messy but not too heinous as long as I wear gloves. It doesn't smell nearly as bad as one might imagine and occasionally, oddly enough, a very sweet earthy smell emerges from a bag that had just the right combination of veggie scraps. It's quite satisfying to see just how large the quantity of food scraps that we've avoided adding to the landfill over the course of a winter. And it was extremely satisfying to see the rich black humus that came out of my old heap. I'm eager to get it into some beds for planting.
Yay for summer!

oh and one last thing. My brother T called to let me know that he finally got all of my dad's old 8mm home movies converted to dvd. It turned out to be three hours of tape! Ohmygosh I am soo excited to see these.. he said not only is there stuff from when we were really young children but there is also stuff from when our parents went to Rome for their honeymoon and even stuff from my dad's childhood.. oh I can't wait to get the dvds in the mail!

spring has sprung!

2008-05-19T09:28:00.000-08:00

Yep, the far north has thawed and the leaves are popping out and sunny has become the norm. Okay so the clouds have been consistently rolling in for the afternoons and we've been getting frequent drizzles but I'm not complaining. I'll take rain over forest fire smoke any day of the week.

I'm definitely feeling the added energy of 20 hours of daylight everyday. Yesterday I was brave enough to try walking all 6 children. Meaning the three human ones and the three canine ones. At the same time no less. All.by.my.self. Talk about a walking circus. There I was with a baby on my back, a great dane on one hand, two spastic little welsh corgis on the other and a two year old using my skirt to hang on to since I didn't have a free hand for her. And then top it off with a six year old riding circles around us on his bicycle. We must have been quite the sight. That was somewhat manageable until Zay decided that she couldn't walk any more. So then I had her held on my hip with one hand and all three dogs in the other. Which meant that they got all tangled up every three steps and I'd have to stop and free them before the dane had all his legs pulled out from under him and he squashed one of the corgis. That lasted for all of 5 minutes before Zay decided that walking was more precarious than being held. So needless to say, our walk didn't last long.

So that night was topped off by the wonderful experience of Meara having her first late night spell of inconsolable crying. It struck at around 12:30 am and I was up with her until about 2. Fun stuff. Now I'm up way earlier than I want to be with the two big kids. At least Meme is still sleeping. Thank goodness for the little things.

a wonderful discovery

2008-05-05T20:05:00.001-08:00

oooh boy....I finally found it. The mysterious Queen video that I'd only ever seen small clips of here and there. I can kind of see why it wasn't featured on the two main Queen music video compilations since some of the camera work is less than stellar. However, I care not. For a die-hard Queen fan such as I this video is a wonderful thing to behold.
Watch Queen- Liar on Fanpop

look ma! I can spin!

2008-04-30T00:30:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been feeling the itch to change my appearance. I feel as though I've allowed myself to slip into a more "normal" or mainstream appearance and I don't really feel like it's true to who I actually am. I feel as though I'm not standing in solidarity with all the other freaks and geeks out there in the world by masquerading as just your average mom with small children when the truth is I am actually quite different than most people in my ideas and ideals and general outlook on life and society. I've been toying with the idea of a nose ring but I have concerns about it getting yanked on by my small children. I'd like to get a tattoo or two but they are expensive and I have concerns about injecting strange substances into my skin. I doubt they have organic tattoo ink.. I'm not sure it's a good idea even if they did, from a health perspective. I know that it may seem silly to be concerned about tattoo ink but then to go ahead and slather a bunch of bleach on my hair but I figured it's been 8+ years since I dyed my hair last and that it was probably the easiest way to alter my appearance drastically without costing an arm and a leg and not being too permanent.

Well, it was my paranoia about my hair becoming brittle and strawlike that threw a wrench in my plans for purple hair. I left the bleach on my hair for 45 minutes and I could see that parts of it looked pretty light. I thought it was light enough to show of the purple in a few key spots and so I prematurely rinsed. I should have left it in for another 15 - 30 minutes. As it was, when I put the manic panic in it only gave me some very subtle purple highlights. Not at all the dramatic change I was hoping for.

Ah well.. Maybe I'll try again in a month or so.

I got closer to setting up my online shop a few days ago. I now have a new checking account that is exclusively for my store paypal account. This is to avoid any possibility of a paypal glitch wiping out rent money. Now I'm just waiting for the debit card to arrive in the mail and I'll be ready to start listing stuff. Woohoo! I've got a variety of fiber art, wood burnings and paintings ready and I'm thinking about maybe figuring out how to do prints so I can sell some photography, digital art or prints of original paintings or burnings.

Another thing I've been doing lately is learning to spin. I made my own drop spindle and spun up my first yarn. It was and is still very challenging but it's quite fun learning and playing with the oh so soft merino wool. I'm still pretty darn slow but I think my first attempt came out rather nice. I'm now working on some beautiful blue and brown roving that I bought from Allspunup.etsy.com and it's just wonderful to handle and gaze upon. I was a big fan of fondling yarn before this but making it myself just brings it to a whole new level of enjoyment. I'm now fantasizing about a spinning wheel. Something to work for I suppose. They are pricey and it will motivate me to get busy creating things to sell in my shop.
Here's a small portion of the roving after I fluffed it all up in preparation for spinning.
Playing with this wool has been my beacon of light the past day or so amidst all the barfing. Quinnster and Zayzae have been fighting off a nasty stomach bug they caught from our neighbors. No fun at all when they only thing that stays down is water and maybe some toast or crackers. It's especially difficult for Zay because nursing is such a source of comfort for her and she's not able to keep the mama's milk down. She's doing surprisingly well understanding that right now having nummies= throwing up and therefore she's not begging for it and has been drinking water instead.

So it's late and I really should be going to bed.
One last thing... my brother transferred some really old home movies to digital and uploaded them to YouTube. I'm the one with the thick bangs and pony tail. Interestingly Quinn runs just like me it would seem.

freaky weather and kiddo updates

2008-04-21T23:41:00.000-08:00

Well the old man's grip seems to have loosened considerably in the few days since that last entry. Now the daytime temps are in the 50s and our backyard is more than a third melted. That also means the dog poo glacier has melted and our front yard is so so icky. Tomorrow is to be a poop scoop marathon day. yay.

Oh more fun topics, Meara's first two teeth broke through on the 16th and now they are emerging in full force. She's getting so grown up! Also doing lots of rolling. I think she may become our little athlete. Zay wasn't quite so active at that age but she's definitely making up for it now. She's like a wild monkey girl running around the house using the biggest voice she can muster half the time. She also loves to sing. She's surprisingly good at carrying a tune for a two year old, I might add.

Quinn hung out with my dad on Sunday and got to drive his first snowmachine. It was a last chance sort of thing, with how quickly it's all melting but he had a great time anyway. It was one of those little kid size snowmachines (that's Alaskan for snowmobile in case any of you lower 48 folk were wonderin) I wasn't there but dad said he took right to it and commented that he seems to pick things up very quickly. He's a sharp one, that Quinnster. We signed him up for soccer this summer. Unfortunately I don't think we're going to be able to do that and teeball since they take place at the same time. He's bummed about that but I think he's really going to like soccer... and if he doesn't he can go back to teeball (little league??) next summer. His best friend who lives across the street is into soccer so he wanted to give that a try and see if maybe they could be on the same team.

I took this picture today and got a serious case of deja vu and then realized it was because I took a very similar picture almost two years ago.. check it out.
( I know it's blurry but I love it because it shows off that lower lip action that I love to death)
Now compare it to the one with Zay.. she's older than Meara is now but I'm wearing the same shirt.. I swear I did not set that up on purpose..
Serious deja vu....

old man winter won't let go

2008-04-18T10:28:00.000-08:00

ugh.. it's snowing... again. Twice now our backyard has gone from being 1/3 snow free to being a winter wonderland all over again. Big fat fluffy snowflakes are falling for for the second major accumulation in two weeks. I wish I could say at least it's been warm but that doesn't seem to last either. Two days ago it was 20 degrees, which would normally be considered somewhat warm but the wind was gusting so hard that it felt like 20 below zero out. Brrrrrrr. I just want it to be spring already. We keep getting taunted with the promise of it only to have it snatched away again. blech.

kiddos

2008-04-14T17:25:00.001-08:00

Here's a little video of the kids goofing off yesterday.

Our favorite things...

2008-04-14T16:33:00.000-08:00

This song is hilarious. Any knitter will understand. It was performed at a gathering of Yarn Harlot fans and recorded by The Heathen Housewife

I can't believe it...

2008-04-13T17:57:00.001-08:00

, originally uploaded by harpyr.

My wee bonnie lass is already a quarter of a year old! Sweet Meara is a dream of a babe. So easygoing and happy. I think it helps that she has the most entertaining brother ever. He can make her laugh like nobody else.. even me! Zay is getting better at eliciting some laughs from Meme but it's only because she's caught on to employing the same crazy antics as Quinn.

In other news, I'm actually trying to avoid sitting at the computer much lately because my back has been super achy. I think it's because I don't have a decent chair to sit in and I need to get more active on top of that.
It's good and bad.. Good because I'm working more on my art but bad because I really want to spend some time playing around with The Gimp since I just downloaded the latest version and found a whole slew of really awesome brushes to use. I created that new patchwork tree banner with a few of them. I'm playing around with banner ideas and that was my first finished result. I hope to have my etsy shop up soon. I have enough inventory but I need to get a different bank account set up so I don't have to worry about a paypal mistake wiping out our rent money. I've heard that's been known to happen before.. not too often but enough that I don't want to take any chances.

Well gotta run. Quinn's couch cushion fort is collapsing in on him and he's hollering for some help.

Nick Drake

2008-04-02T17:07:00.000-08:00

I wrote a little something about the day my husband and I discovered the music of Nick Drake. Pop on over to the site I posted it on to check it out.-
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/nick-drake/soapbox/2362

Edited to add- the link wasn't working so I broke it. If you copy and paste that link it should work. By the way, after rereading this little essay a few days later I realize that it's pretty corny. Be forewarned.

the first sentence

2008-03-19T12:56:00.001-08:00

My dad's sisters came by yesterday and I got to hear the story of my first words. Now I know why my mom and dad always had a hard time remembering what they were.. it's because they weren't there to hear them! The story went that my aunt D (and maybe aunt P but I'm not clear on that) was with my grandpa at the building site of our house. Apparently my dad was sort of detail oriented about how he wanted the house built, whereas grandpa was of the mindset "Lets just get it built" and on this particular day was doing a fair bit of griping. I was probably around age three and hadn't spoken a single word yet. It was very clear that I could understand everything that people were talking about but I was refusing to speak. So on that day, while grandpa was doing all this complaining I finally said my first words, which happened to come out in a perfectly formed sentence-

"What's YOUR problem?"

this is it

2008-03-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

I tried calling my mom this morning but only spoke with my aunt Nik. My mother apparently can't be bothered to take any calls this morning. Cause she's getting married this afternoon. Well this is it for me. If she marries this chump.. then I am putting some serious distance between her and I. I refuse to be dragged along for the ride towards the impending train wreck that is certain to result from this course. I can't allow myself to be close to her and not be affected by her really bad decisions and since nothing I have to say seems to make any difference I need to separate from her to protect myself and my family. It really sucks that my kids beg to go see gramma but I can't let them go over there when there is a strange man that I don't know or trust. I think my mom may be having a mental breakdown.. or she's always been this crazy and I just didn't realize it. I fear it may be the latter.

flipflopper

2008-03-12T17:35:00.001-08:00

ugh. I just called my mom to ask her how it's going and she said that it was still on for tomorrow. She apparently has no backbone. I told her that nothing has changed. He's still insecure and controlling and yet she's letting him call the shots. If she gets married tomorrow then I'll know it's because he wants to and she doesn't and yet she doesn't have the nerve to stand up for what she wants. My respect for her is very minimal at this point and it's only going to go completely down the drain if she goes through with this supremely dumb decision to marry this kid.

whoa

2008-03-12T15:29:00.000-08:00

Just when I had pretty much come to terms with the realization that my mother had lost all sense of rational thinking she surprises me yet again. She showed up at my house this morning with the news that instead of getting married tomorrow she's going to break up with John today and ask him to move out.

Wow. I was really stunned. Happily stunned but still very surprised that she actually came around to realizing that getting married to this guy probably wasn't a good idea. She had just come from a meeting with her therapist (whom I know also thought this was a bad idea..like everyone else in the known universe) and I suspect that her realization must have been helped along by whatever they talked about. She confessed that John is controlling and insecure and that she just knows it wouldn't have worked out. She doesn't want another divorce in her future. (Note: These are all things that I told her.. especially the stuff about this guy being obviously insecure and controlling by pushing this marriage issue so early in their relationship.)

Being as I don't really have much trust left in my mother after all the less than stellar decisions she's made in the last 4 years or so, I'm only allowing myself a modicum of happiness about this decision. I don't want to get all ecstatic that she's come to her senses only to find out that she's been talked out of this by John and ends up marrying the dude anyway. She did seem pretty resolved to this decision though so I doubt that will happen. When he's moved out I'll breathe a bigger sigh of relief. I've only exhaled halfway at this point.

TtV

2008-03-12T00:42:00.000-08:00

Today I discovered a photography technique called Through the Viewfinder. It's basically using a camera (usually digital) to take a picture through the viewfinder of another camera- usually one with a large viewfinder like an old Kodak Duaflex or the like. But before I read about what type of cameras these photos were being taken through, I went and grabbed my mom's really old, broken Canon AE1 SLR and tried taking some pictures through it's really tiny viewfinder. I had some not so satisfying results and then went and learned about the Duaflex and promptly went to Ebay and put in a bid for one. It isn't like I really need another hobby but I've sort of had limited interest in photography lately and this new technique has revitalized it so I'm going to run with it for awhile.
Here's my favorite result of my first hasty attempts at this. A few more can be seen on my flickr account.

I'm off to bed now.. I'm up waaay to late reading about this ttv business!

its hopeless

2008-03-08T14:31:00.000-09:00

My mother will not listen to reason. When faced with logical and valid concerns about her decision to marry her boyfriend of two months next week she (and his) only response is that they are doing it because they want to and because they can.

The Patchwork Tree

2008-03-01T17:12:00.000-09:00

Knitting has been taking a back seat to my newest interest- embroidery. My first project was a blended piece. The trunk of the tree was knitted in some novelty yarn and then couched onto the fabric background. It was pretty much freeform. I didn't draw anything out beforehand and just dove in and started stitching. I learned a lot and went through stages of not liking results and then just continuing to work the piece until I liked it more. Ultimately, I'm happy with my results from my first foray into embroidery. Well.. not technically my first since I did a couple things in high school but this was the first time that I actually picked up a book to learn a specific way to stitch.
I'm on the home stretch of my second project. I think I'm done with the main image and now I just need to put a fabric back on it and finish the edges nicely. I'm still trying to decide what color to use for the border. I'm thinking I'll keep it minimalistic and just use some black fabric for a border with stitching done around in the same color as the branches.

artistic inspiration

2008-02-27T12:02:00.000-09:00

Recently I've been spending alot of time browsing the handmade goods on Etsy.
I find it to be a wealth of inspiration. So much so that I've gotten back to some other art forms that had been shoved to the wayside by my newfound love of knitting. A few years ago I discovered woodburning- or pyrography if you want to be really geeky about it- and just loved it. There's something so haunting about the finished product that I just love. Perfect examples can be seen in my favorites list which is linked in the sidebar as Beautiful Things. There are a couple of tagua nut pendants that are done with a combination of burning and oil painting that I just adore and have inspired me to try my hand at something similar. I bought some tagua nut slices and took my cheapo wood burning tool to a couple. My results have been less than what I hoped for and I think part of the issue is that my tool is just inadequate. It's the $10 dollar variety from a craft store. I'm going to keep at it though and see where it goes. I went and got a piece of basswood to practice on and found that it's much easier to get nice results from that than the tagua.

I've discovered through Esty that something called Art Cards Editions Originals (ACEOs) are very popular. Basically any kind of art in a 2.5 x 3.5 inch trading card format are really popular collectors items right now. I've been looking for a way to make money from home and I'm going to try to plug into that market and see how it goes. I've almost finished my first piece which is a combination of knitting and embroidery. It's cute. Not exactly how I pictured it in my mind but it's been a learning experience. I'm having a lot of fun brainstorming and being inspired.

valentines day and family drama

2008-02-22T11:08:00.001-09:00

oh the Mama drama never seems to end. I've been struggling to avoid being too emotionally invested in the choices my mother makes for her own life. It is, after all, HER life. It's just difficult to watch something chug along that appears certain to end in train wreck. She's got this new boyfriend... well fiance technically, who is - get this- 30 years old.

I will be 30 years old this year.
My husband is 31 years old.
My mother is engaged to a man younger than my husband. I find this very disturbing. Even if he weren't so young, I would still be disturbed that she's already engaged to a man that she's only been dating for about a month. She'd probably already be married if she didn't have to host a memorial this coming August for her deceased husband. She didn't think it would be proper to be remarried before that is taken care of. *snort*

I could go on and on about some other choices related to this newest development but I think I'll leave it at that for now. I'm trying to come to terms with seeing my mother in the harsh light of reality without the rose colored glasses of childhood. It has been quite unpleasant to say the least. It seems I must accept that she just isn't going to be the typical gramma for my children.. baking cookies and stuff like that. She's like a kid who refuses to grow up. *sigh*

on a happier note- Valentines Day was really nice. B baked a delicious German chocolate cake and bought some yummy chocolates for us.He bought me an obscenely expensive box of Godiva truffles that were positively divine. I've never had a more delicious hazelnut truffle. It was to die for.

2008-02-07T12:36:00.000-09:00

Well.. we finally got ourselves a vehicle to call our own! Whew.. what a relief. Our subaru broke down way back at the beginning of the summer and we've been borrowing my father's old Ford Explorer and occasionally my mom's truck ever since. Car shopping is such a pain in the neck. It's only compounded by the fact that we needed a car that could fit three carseats in the back. Turns out subarus are a tight fit, if we would have even been able to at all. Since we need something big enough to also haul a great dane, that eliminated sedans. We were left with the choice between a mini van or an suv. After reading lots of reviews of various different options we decided to go with a Toyota 4runner. We were fortunate enough to find a really clean 1996 model with only 113,000 miles on it. It's running beautifully and we all fit so nicely in it. I'm so relieved to finally have that taken care of and since we spent well under our budget, we've even got some money left over to take care of some pressing dog care issues... Namely getting the two corgis fixed.. No puppies for us! Way to much of a headache that would be, we ultimately decided.

woohoo!

2008-01-25T12:04:00.000-09:00

Second time's a charm!

DMV angst

2008-01-24T13:41:00.000-09:00

oh man.. Brett told me I should maybe study a little before I go take the written driver's test and I thought it wasn't necessary. After all, the last two times I took the test I passed on the first try. Well... I went in today and even though I passed all the questions about actually driving, it was the stupid questions about the finer points of law that got me. And the silly little ways they try to trip you up by wording the answers weirdly. Argh. I've been procrastinating on getting my Alaska license but now that I need to apply for the dividend online and I can't seem to do it without an Ak license or ID, the issue has come to a head. I guess I have to go back tomorrow. After I study. Blech.

oh well.. At least I got to get out of the house
and see some ravens, which I always enjoy.

2008-01-12T15:50:00.001-09:00

I'm finding it's really hard to make myself blog with any semblance of regularity. Going from two to three kids has been a rocky transition. My "me" time has been severely reduced and when I finally do get a free moment to sit down at the computer I generally spend it all checking my messages and reading my favorite blogs. I'm much more of a reader than a writer these days. And yet it seems very important for me to put my thoughts on paper and keep a record of this time. It may be difficult at times but I am aware that it is quite fleeting and before I know it, Quinn will be gallivanting off to his extracurricular

activities, Azalea won't be needing me to wipe her bum and Meara will be taking her first toddling steps. There will be more time for knitting if I just have patience.

I'm feeling quite a bit of annoyance with the two bigger kids and I imagine a lot of it has to do with cabin fever. January is usually the hardest month. It's still ridiculously dark all the time and the big cold snaps tend to happen. Today it's -20F. Not the worst but still pretty darn cold. Temperatures aside, getting out of the house with the three kids is major work. It takes about an hour just to get every one dressed, suited up and buckled in. Besides that, we only have one vehicle right now so I don't have any way to get around when Brett is at work even if I wanted to. I would love to go to the library but that was hard enough with two... I'm dreading the thought of three. I'd need a shopping cart to haul the toddler, baby and all the books around in!

Okay.. I actually need to wrap this up. Azalea and Meara are both sleeping and Quinn is at Dana's house. I've used up as much "me" time on the blog as I'm willing to.. I need to use the rest on some knitting. The time budget is tight!
Here's what I've been working on lately. Cables!

Meara's Birth Story

2007-12-20T11:58:00.000-09:00

Looking back, early labor actually began on December 10th. It was in the morning that I felt the first noticeably stronger than usual contraction. I'd been having braxton hicks (practice contractions) for weeks but that morning I felt the first of what seemed to be a step up in intensity of the contractions. They were still quite sporadic but by the end of that day they were coming atleast one an hour, sometimes more. They weren't getting stronger though so I didn't think anything was imminent. Plus, the moon was still in Capricorn and I told the baby that I thought it would be better for her to wait until the moon left that most challenging of moon signs. That meant she needed to stay in until about 8:15pm on December 12th. I was concerned that perhaps little Meara may not heed my advice but was hopeful that labor was still a couple days off.

December 11th was much like the 10th. I was still feeling semi-regular contractions that were quite noticeably stronger than just regular braxton hicks but they didn't seem to be escalating in intensity. They did pick up in frequency. I was feeling about three an hour or so. I thought maaaybe real labor would start on the 12th and visualized actually meeting this baby sometime after 8:30pm. I kinda wished I didn't know anything about astrology so I could just have this baby without having to worry about such things as the sign the moon is in but it's too late for that. I reminded myself I have no control and this baby would come when she wants to.

On December 12th the contractions were consistently coming on 3 or 4 times an hour and really annoying at this point. I was extremely irritable so I dropped the kids off with my mom so I could get some last minute stuff done. Like pack my bag to take to the birth center. I also went to the craft store to buy plaster strips to make the belly cast that I'd been trying to get around to doing for the last two pregnancies and yet still hadn't managed to do. Did I mention that I'm a major procrastinator? Brett got off work at 2 and we went to buy a Yule tree. I was very happy to get that taken care of before baby arrived. We got a modestly sized but beautiful Noble Fir. It smells so lovely. After that we put in a movie- Fast Food Nation- and started in on the belly cast at about 7 pm. By this time I was happy that there was no way this baby was going to be born with a Cappy moon and I was ready for labor to really kick into high gear. I could tell that I was in the early stages but was still skeptical that the real action was imminent. Even though the contractions seemed to be getting slightly stronger they were still really easy to handle, albeit somewhat distracting. During the belly cast creation I had time to sit quietly and watch the clock and I noticed that they were about 10 minutes apart rather consistently. We were done with the movie and cast at 9 pm and at this point I think it's safe to say that my thought that the baby wasn't coming that night was somewhat foolish. Looking back it seems obvious that labor was picking up speed but I must have been in some kind of denial because I drove to my mom's house to pick up the kids- 20 minutes away and I didn't even pack the kids overnight stuff just in case. Before I left I took a quick shower and tried doing a cervical check on myself but had absolutely no luck even locating the darn thing. This was frustrating because I can very easily visualize the female anatomy, since I'd been reading pretty much nothing but midwifery texts for the last 3 months or so, but was completely unable find my own cervix.

The drive to my mom's house was actually quite uncomfortable. The contractions seemed to step up abit to the point were I was feeling really squirmy when one would come on and I had to tell myself to relax and be mushy. I kept thinking the phrase, "mushy mama." I probably should have just turned around and went home but I drove onward thinking that these contractions would keep on like this for another day. Silly me. When I used the bathroom at my mom's my mucus plug fell out. The contractions were decidedly uncomfortable and five minutes apart at this point. My mom laughted and said, "You'd better just leave the kids here tonight, it sounds like that baby is coming soon." I thought I'd really rather not drive home and tried calling Brett to come pick me up but he'd already gone to bed, since he was scheduled to work at 5am the next morning and he didn't hear the phone. So back in the truck I went, thinking that I could just pull over every five minutes if I needed to. I ended up just slowing down to about 30 mph every five minutes instead, continuing with my mushy mama mantra. I made it home and as soon as I did the contractions got even stronger. I told Brett that tonight was the night and he called his manager to let her know he wasn't coming in. We both laid down to try and rest. Brett had only slept four hours the night before, so he was already exhausted. I was totally unable to sleep due to the combination of excitement and the fact that the contractions were getting progressively stronger.

I called the midwives' hotline and my call was returned by Vanessa around 11:30. I let her know that tonight was the night. I said that it would probably still be a couple hours before I was ready to come in. As it turns out around 12:30 I was feeling like the pushing stage could be close. The contractions were about 4 minutes apart and I was moaning through them on my hands and knees. Brett called Vanessa and she said she'd meet us at the center in 45 minutes. The contractions were strong enough that I was actually concerned that I wouldn't be able to wait that long. Fortunately the birth center is only about five minutes from our house. We arrived and I asked Vanessa to check my cervix because I was curious about my dialation. She said I was about 7 or 8 cm. That was good to hear. I quickly stripped down and hopped in the birthing tub. Sweet relief! What had previously been hard contractions suddenly seemed so much bearable after submerging myself in the warm water of the deep tub.

The relief didn't last long though. It was about 30 minutes until the contractions got strong enough to cause me to groan and moan through them. I was trying to keep my vocalizations to a minimum because my throat always ends up feeling raw before long and it's really aggravating to me but there was just no way I could be silent.

I had a terrible chill on any part of me that was out of the water and I asked if they had any heaters. The midwives obliged and after alittle while the room was toasty warm. There was the unfortunate side effect of a yucky smell that came from the heater but it was worth it in exchange for the warmth.

I found that I was much more alert and aware of the passage of time than my previous labor experiences. I think it was because I was over analyzing the experience instead of sinking into my body and listening to it's cues. After I'd been laboring for a couple hours in the tub my contractions were overwhelmingly intense and I tried giving little pushes during them. It felt good at first. But I kept doing that and it quickly became exhausting and nothing seemed to be coming of it. Dana, the other midwife had arrived awhile earlier and she'd been laying quietly on the bed. She came over after I'd been pushing futilely for awhile and said, "So you're not feeling pushy yet?" It was a gentle way of saying, 'stop that, you're wearing yourself out for no reason.' I got the message and gave up the misguided hope that it was time to push. In retrospect, I think my expectation that this labor would be quicker and easier was getting the better of me. The lesson I've taken from this is to let go of all expectations for labor and just get in touch with what your body is telling you instead of over thinking the whole thing.

After I stopped pushing during the contractions I just focused on relaxing as much as possible in between and during them. I stopped thinking about the passage of time and it wasn't long before I felt like I really needed to poop. So I jumped out of the pool and went and sat on the toilet. I had a major earthquake of a contraction that was the most unpleasant of them all yet and realized it was actually a baby that was starting to come down so I jumped up and paced around the room. I was somewhat panicky and desperate to find a comfortable position, as the tub had started to become uncomfortable to me. I wished it was padded. Even though the thought of laying on the bed seemed alluring, I knew that it was a fool's hope and that the moment I laid down, the contractions would be most unbearable. Being upright was the easiest way for me to cope so I tried sitting on the birthing stool. No, the pain in my tail bone let me know that the birthing stool was not for me. Kneeling sounded most appealing but the floor looked even more uncomfortable than the tub and the thought of pushing out the baby
on land instead of in the familiarity of the water where I'd had my previous two babies suddenly didn't seem so appealing. So back in the tub I went.

The baby moved down rather quickly, thankfully and that ring of fire was intense but bearable because I knew that meant I was almost finished. I think at that point it was only two or three pushes until her head came out. There was a brief bit of relief but not much. I waited for the next contraction to push her body out and I felt the most interesting sensation of her squirming. I said, "I can feel her moving." Dana said that she was turning herself into the right position to come the rest of the way out. I pushed with all my might at the next contraction and her shoulders slipped out but the rest of her didn't! I was very frustrated by that since my other two babies just slid out entirely after their shoulders emerged. So I had to muster up one last burst of energy and push her little butt out.

Oh the sweet blessed relief! Brett reached down to pull her up out of the water but she had the cord around her neck a couple times so Vanessa reached down and slid the loops over her head and then he could scoop her up on to my chest.
She was just perfect. Meara looked up at me and was very calm. A bit too calm for the midwives comfort. She was breathing but it was shallow and light and even though her body was a good pink color, her hands and feet were a light white/purple color. We rubbed her back vigorously and Vanessa got the oxygen tank and used the tube like a little wand and waved it in front of her nose and mouth. Her cord was still pulsing very strongly so she was still getting oxygen that way but it was time for her to start breathing like a land dweller and after a minute or so she started taking deep breaths and making some little annoyed baby noises. I offered her the breast and she latched on right away. She was already a nursing pro!

I have some more thoughts to share on the experience but since this post is already turning into a book I'm just going to hit publish and come back later to add more thoughts when I get a chance.

Baby is coming!

2007-12-12T23:36:00.000-09:00

Think happy birthing thoughts for me.. The baby is on her way tonight! Mucus plug fell out at 10 pm and contractions are five minutes apart. whooohooo!

waiting... not so patiently

2007-12-04T07:53:00.000-09:00

Last night I had a good strong contraction right before I fell asleep and was hopeful that it could be the start of something but it doesn't seem to have led anywhere. Bummer. I am very eager for this baby to be born. The sooner the better for so many reasons, but especially for her own good. I mean, her birthday is going to be close to Christmas as it is but to have it suuper close to it is a bummer for any kid who quickly realizes that they get less birthday presents than, say, a July baby. Not to mention the challenge of trying to schedule a party when half of your friends may be gone on holiday vacation. Yeah, it's in her own best interests that Meara waste no time in getting herself earthside in a timely manner. Also, December 9th is a pretty good date astrologically.. she'd be a double Sagittarius- sun and moon- It is afterall, the night of the new moon. Which is cool. A couple days earlier would be even cooler, since she would have a Scorpio moon to go with her Saggie sun just like her mama. Though I'm not sure I should wish that on the poor child. It's got some perks but it's also a challenging moon sign to carry. If she's going to be late then she'd better skip over the later half of the 10th and the 11th and 12th.. A Capricorn moon is the toughest of all moon signs, and has a tendency to reflect a difficult mother figure in one's life. Yikes.. I'm really hoping baby plays nice and just arrives as scheduled so I don't have to worry about the possibility that I'm one of "those" mothers.

The Christmas gift experiment

2007-11-20T20:45:00.001-09:00

prototype potholder, originally uploaded by harpyr.

So this is what I made today. It was a fast knit on size 10 1/2 needles with Noro Kureyon. I felted it in the sink with hot and cold water and then threw it in the dryer. However, I think it needs to be felted more to be safe as a potholder. It's just too holey still. It would work as a table protector for a hot pot. I'm needing to whip out some fast knits to give as gifts to extended family since I think we've blown our entire present budget on gifts for the kids already. We're just about done with all our shopping for them so now I can devote my spare time to crafting some stuff for everybody else. I hope people can appreciate handmade washcloths and potholders. Kinda mundane but I think it's all I have time for. I really should have started knitting gifts months ago. I have to admit I'm something of a selfish knitter still. I'm forcing myself to put down the big entrelac wrap for myself in order to knit for other people. It's easier to convince myself to do that by making these entrelac potholders. I get to practice my technique so I can be sure to get Lady Eleanor just right. Here's a finished example of the wrap in the Noro Silk Garden colorway that I'll be using.

Gorgeous, eh? It'll probably take me four months to finish but it'll be worth it.

Alrighty, I need to finish this up and get the kids to bed. I've been procrastinating on turning in Quinn's work samples to his contact teacher. (We participate in a charter school program) For some reason I have this aversion to using my scanner. I don't know why but the process seems tediously slow to me and I have to really force myself to muster up the gumption to do it. Tonight I must. Even if it means dragging myself out of my nice comfy bed after Zay falls asleep and taking care of this. I'm already five days late. Gotta stop slacking on this!

the science of color

2007-11-12T12:41:00.001-09:00

experimenting with color, originally uploaded by harpyr.

Quinn had fun learning about color mixing with this little science kit. He got to fill a little tray with 24 of his own color mixtures and then add some little crystals that absorb all the water and look like jello until you let them dry back out, and then they look like tiny colored crystal granules. It was pretty neat.

Happy Birthday B!

2007-11-09T13:49:00.001-09:00

, originally uploaded by harpyr.

Brett spent the morning creating his own birthday cake work of art. He has been working a new job at Fred Meyer's decorating cakes so this was an opportunity for him to practice and show off for the family. It was a most yummy demonstration!

random thoughts

2007-11-05T20:02:00.000-09:00

Today I babysat my nephew Evyn. I took all the kids up to my mom's house to get some help with all the kids and it was really nice. Got some knitting on my cardigan accomplished and helped my mom get signed up on myspace so she can keep in touch better with my brothers. It's wild how many people are on that now.

Hm.. I'm having a hard time with this regular blogging thing. I find I just don't know what to write about. I mean, there are so many things that I could ramble on about but when it comes to focusing in on one thing and doing it, I just hit a block. It probably doesn't help that children demand my attention about every five to ten minutes so it's hard to keep a train of thought. I should try and blog after they are asleep.. The tricky part is dragging myself out of the cozy bed instead of just lying there with a good book and drifting off to sleep myself. That's how things go most often...

wish lists and last night's dinner

2007-11-04T12:31:00.000-09:00

Phew.. I just got done starting a wish list for myself. Every year people ask me what I want for my b-day and X-mas and often I'm at a loss for what to say. It will be easier to just have a nice tidy weblink to give everyone. Now I just need to put one together for each of the kids and B too.
It's a bit more time consuming than I anticipated. I should probably take a break from the computer and do some housework. B was a sweetheart and did some major cleaning on his days off and so now all I have to do is maintain it. Should be a piece of cake, right? Let's hope so. I did some very light Yoga a few days ago and now my hips are aching like crazy. I've got about five weeks left to go before this baby is due and I already feel like my due date was yesterday. I fluctuate between extreme lethargy and body aches to these bursts of nesting energy. It's strange.

I still have yet to cultivate a strong enthusiasm for cooking but thank heavens my darling husband likes it. Last night he made a delicious dinner of corn on the cob, creamy mashed potatoes and baked salmon. Check out the main dish.. yuuuum.

Did I mention that my husband is wonderful?

Ooh I should also mention that Zay is using the potty during the day now.. Without accidents! Whoooo hoooo! I love love love it!

candy overload

2007-11-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

My friggin mouse is fritzin out on me. I don't know if it's the mouse or a computer glitch but it keeps freezing (the cursor) and so I have to reach around, unplug the mouse and then plug it back in and it will work again. This wasn't a big deal for the past week or so because it would only happen once per session but now it's happening every couple minutes. For a big ol preggo like me who has a hard time getting up and down, this is especially irritating. Well, I'm sure it would probably be irritating to anyone, no matter how easily they could stand up. I don't have the slightest idea how to fix this problem. *sigh*

So last night was Halloween. Q dressed up as a battle robot and we walked around our neighborhood with this buddies across the street and then after we'd hit the few houses of people we knew, we said bye to his friends and drove over to the ritzy part of town. The old neighborhood with the really big houses were every darn person in this town takes their kids to trick or treat. It was like a zoo. I felt sorry for the people who are slammed with kids knocking on their door for atleast two hours straight. I mean there was hardly a break in the stream of them at each door. Q had to wait in line often. I was my typical forgetful self and left the camera at home. DOH! Zay stayed home with Daddy to hand out candy... But nobody came until Q and I got home and then we had exactly two groups of kids. I gave them each two giganto handfuls of candy because B brought home four giant bags. UGh.
Way. too. much. sugar.

pregnant gypsy pool shark

2007-10-30T19:44:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday the kids spent the night at their Grandma's house for the first time. It was Zay's first overnight EVER. It went pretty well. She did wake up at 3 and refuse to go back to bed but quickly went back to sleep with Grandma on the couch. Q got abit homesick but he said he had fun anyway.

B and I went out to a Halloween party at the Howling Dog all dressed up. He was a pirate, as were his friends that we met up with there. I was sort of a fortune teller or something. I was going for a witchy pirate look but people at the bar referred to me as a gypsy. Close enough. The highlight of the night was playing pool. I don't get to do it much these days but back in my single, pre-munchkin days, I was a regular at the Watertrough- a Portland dive featuring several cheap pool tables, pool shark regulars and great bartenders. If I might toot my own horn abit, I got pretty good at the game. As it turns out, with a bit of concentration, it's much like riding a bike, it would seem. Saturday night I was in top form; I made several tough shots and no one beat me all night. Okay so I only played three games before we had to go home due to B needing to get sleep for work in the morning, but they were three awesome games, lemme tell you. People seemed to get a kick out of the pregnant gypsy kicking butt at pool. It was quite the confidence booster, I must say. (Even if I did have the sober advantage over the drunken people I played)

I made a difficult shot that required alot of side english, a bank shot into the side pocket and my dreaded shot wherein the object ball is directly in the center of the table and the cue ball is centered at the other end of the table- usually a scratch shot but with the proper english and just the right amount of gentle touch, I made it into the corner pocket. Whoooweee did that one make my night.

My only major complaint of the evening was the smokiness of the place. Ugh. I found myself squatting down to get to the fresh air closer to the floor in between my turns. The smoke was really nauseating.. I don't know how people can stand going to such places regularly.
All in all it was a really entertaining night though. Surprisingly, about 95% of the people were in costumes which made for great people watching.

a new blog

2007-10-29T18:50:00.000-08:00

Allrighty. Here I go again. Trying the blog thing. I'm moving away from Livejournal (old blog: http://harpyr.livejournal.com) over here to Blogger because I like the ability to customize the header with a graphic of my own creation... Not that I've gotten off my duff and done that yet but it's on my to do list. Just as soon as I come up with an appropriate blog title. Easier said than done, no doubt. It might help if I could pin down exactly what it is I want to blog about. I'm so all over the board. I like to knit, I'm studying midwifery, I want to keep friends and family updated on the goings on around my house and I've got lots of opinions on a wide variety of topics that I like to share from time to time. I suppose this will just be a mishmash of all that stuff instead of being focused on just one.

Let's see.. where to begin?
I should be cooking dinner right now. Unfortunately I don't like cooking so this procrastination is a frequent problem for me. Zay is helping her daddy feed the snakes right now and Q is across the street playing with his buddy. We need to watch a movie that is due back tonight but Heroes is on at 9 and it's already 7... and B needs to get up and be at work by 5 am. There just aren't enough hours in the day it seems at times. He just told me that the store where he works doesn't allow any food or drink in the bakery. So he can't even have a water bottle with him and has to drink water on his breaks or at lunch. That's soo messed up. People need to hydrate more often than that. He said he's had a headache all day today and I'm thinking that this store policy is likely contributing to it.

*sigh* Okay.. My tummy is rumbling and time is awastin' so I'm off to make some dinner.